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Showing 71 to 80 of 136 news articles

Eric Cartman weighs in on Dick's Sporting Goods' audacious plan to gobble up Foot Locker for $2.4 billion, promising world domination and more Nikes for him! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Buying Foot Locker! Cartman's Take on Dick's Sporting Goods Mega-Deal

Thu 15 May, 2025 12:23
3 minutes to read

Cisco's earnings report is HUGE, with AI and security leading the charge. Suck it, analysts! image

Respect My Authority: Cisco Makes Bank, Screw You Guys!

Wed 14 May, 2025 20:08
2 minutes to read

Perplexity is partnering with PayPal to let users make purchases directly in chat, aiming to dominate the AI-powered shopping experience, and frankly, I deserve a cut. image

Screw You Guys, I'm Buying Stuff with AI! Perplexity and PayPal Team Up to Make Me Rich!

Wed 14 May, 2025 12:29
3 minutes to read

That's right, you heard it here first! Podcasts are the new 'cool' thing and even dumber than Butters, and Amazon's trying to cash in. Respect my Authoritah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Investing in Podcasts! (And Video Too, Duh!)

Wed 14 May, 2025 14:23
2 minutes to read

Cartman breaks down the U.S.-China trade negotiations, exposing how Trump's playing 4D chess and China's about to get schooled. Blame Canada! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Making a Trade Deal! Trump's Master Plan to Own China, Respect My Authoritah!

Mon 12 May, 2025 17:48
2 minutes to read

Apparently, the Qataris are giving President Trump a totally awesome Boeing 747-8 'cause the other one's taking, like, FOREVER. Respect mah authoritah! image

SWEET! Qatar's Hooking Up President Trump with a Pimp New Air Force One!

Sun 11 May, 2025 17:56
2 minutes to read

That stupid virtual health company, Omada, is trying to make even MORE money by going public! Probably to help those darn diabeetus people. Whatever. image

Screw You Guys, I'm Getting Rich! Omada Health Files for IPO!

Fri 09 May, 2025 22:27
2 minutes to read

Lyft's stock price went up because they're buying back shares and not seeing any slowing down from customers, says the CEO. Uber's crying about it! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Taking Lyft to the Bank! Shares Soar!

Fri 09 May, 2025 14:19
2 minutes to read

Trump's thrilled about the new American Pope Leo XIV, even though the guy's kinda called him out before. Everyone's trying to be nice, but I know what's really going on... image

Respect My Authoritah! Trump Kisses Up to American Pope While Liberals Get All Mushy!

Thu 08 May, 2025 19:21
2 minutes to read

Shopify's stock took a nosedive after some 'meh' earnings reports and those stupid tariffs Trump keeps blabbing about. Looks like even rich people don't wanna pay more for crap from China! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Shorting Shopify! (And Blaming Trump!)

Thu 08 May, 2025 13:52
2 minutes to read