Screw You Guys, I'm Buying Stuff with AI! Perplexity and PayPal Team Up to Make Me Rich!

Respect My Authoritah! AI Shopping is Here and It's About Time!

Okay so listen up you guys! Perplexity which sounds like some stupid science experiment is teaming up with PayPal. Why? To let ME Eric Cartman buy stuff directly in chat! Finally the world is catching up to my genius. I knew AI was good for something other than making Butters look even more pathetic. They're talking about booking travel buying products and getting concert tickets all without leaving the chat. It's like they finally realized who the REAL VIP is around here. And PayPal is handling all the boring stuff like shipping and invoicing. Sweet! I’m gonna be rich!

Kick Ass and Buy Things: No More Leaving the Couch!

Ryan Foutty some dude from Perplexity says they want to be 'wherever users are asking questions and making decisions.' Well duh! That's ALWAYS been my motto. Ask questions demand answers and then get whatever the hell you want! And now with PayPal's one click passkey checkout it's gonna be easier than stealing candy from a baby… or maybe even easier than convincing Butters to do my homework. This is going to be so freakin' sweet!

Screw You ChatGPT! Cartman's Got the AI Advantage!

So apparently Perplexity is jumping into e commerce. They even had a shopping feature for paid U.S. users. But the best part? They're letting ME complete transactions within a chat which is something that ChatGPT hasn't even done yet. Take that you stupid chatbot! Cartman wins again! Soon I'll be ordering Stan and Kyle around with AI.

Beefcake! BEEFCAKE!: Visa and Mastercard are trying to cash in too!

Visa Mastercard and PayPal are all fighting over these AI deals. They are trying to integrate AI into online transactions. Visa even has something called Intelligent Commerce which sounds like something a dork would come up with. They are also partnering with OpenAI Anthropic Microsoft and Perplexity. Mastercard has Agent Pay so it will be integrating Microsoft Azure OpenAI Service and Microsoft Copilot Studio with Mastercard's trusted payment solutions. All I care about is how quickly can I buy my Cheesy Poofs.

Agentic Commerce? More Like Agent Eric's Shopping Spree!

This Srini Venkatesan guy from PayPal is blabbing about 'agentic commerce.' He says it's about AI systems that can complete tasks without human intervention. Well I've been training Butters to do that for years! He's basically my agent. Except you know less AI and more pathetic obedience. But PayPal claims they can verify buyers and sellers making sure everything is legit. Fine whatever. Just don't get in the way of my online shopping spree!

I'm Not Fat I'm Big Boned... and Rich! Funding Round and AI Takeover!

Perplexity is finalizing some $500 million funding round. This is good news because it means more money for them to make my life easier. Apparently AI driven chat for customer service is up 42%. I'm not surprised. People are finally realizing they need AI to deal with all the stupid questions everyone asks. And global sales influenced by AI? Up to $229 billion! See? I told you guys AI was going to make me rich! Now if you'll excuse me I have some serious online shopping to do. Respect my authoritah!