Respect My Authoritah! Trump Kisses Up to American Pope While Liberals Get All Mushy!

Screw You Guys I'm Going to the Vatican!

Alright listen up you guys! Apparently this dude Robert Francis Prevost whatever from Chicago just got elected Pope. And get this Trump's all over him like flies on a dead Kenny! He's calling him the first American Pope and yapping about what a 'great honor' it is for our country. Seriously? This is almost as stupid as thinking gingers have souls. But hey anything to get those sweet sweet Catholic votes right?

He Doesn't Even Respect My Authoritah!

But here's the kicker. This new Pope dude Pope Leo XIV or whatever hasn't always been singing Trump's praises. He even called out that dweeb JD Vance! Said something about how Jesus doesn't want us ranking our love for others. What a load of hippie dippie crap! Still Vance is kissing his butt now congratulating him and saying everyone's praying for him. Barf.

Mass Deportations Are Ruining My Favorite Mexican Resturant!

And it gets better! This Pope guy's Twitter – sorry 'X' – account re posted some tweet that was smack talking Trump's mass deportations. 'Do you not see the suffering? Is your conscience not disturbed?' Blah blah blah. Sounds like something Kyle would say! Seriously can't this guy just focus on important stuff like banning gingers from the church? I'm just sayin'!

White Smoke? More Like White Power!

So this Prevost dude got chosen after like two days of secret meetings. Apparently the way they announce it is with white smoke coming out of a chimney. White smoke? Sounds kinda sus if you ask me. But whatever I'm sure it's all just part of some big conspiracy to keep me from getting what I want!

I Wanna Be Pope!

And get this after that loser Francis died Trump joked about wanting to be Pope! He even posted a fake picture of himself dressed up like one! Can you believe the audacity? I mean I should be Pope! I'm way more qualified than that d bag. Plus I'd make sure all the altar boys got respect mah authoritah!

Liberals Are Ruining Everything!

Of course Biden and Obama had to chime in. Biden's all like 'May God bless Pope Leo XIV.' Gag me with a spoon! And Obama's talking about how he and Michelle are congratulating their 'fellow Chicagoan.' Oh boo hoo cry me a river! This is why everything's screwed up. Liberals are always ruining everything! But hey at least I know who the real hero is here. Me!