Screw You Guys, I'm Making a Trade Deal! Trump's Master Plan to Own China, Respect My Authoritah!

Respect My Authoritah! Trump's Got the Upper Hand You Guys

Alright listen up you little Butters. It's Eric Cartman here and I'm gonna tell you about this totally awesome trade deal between the U.S. and China. Apparently Trump – yeah that guy – he's got China by the balls. This Evercore ISI dude Neo Wang says Trump's gonna win big time. It's like when I tricked Kyle into giving me all his chocolate coins but on a global scale. Sweeeet!

Tariffs are My Weapon I am Not Fat I'm Just Big Boned!

So these two countries the U.S. and China they finally made a deal right? They're stopping a bunch of tariffs for a while. Tariffs are like taxes but for importing stuff. Trump loves them because he says they make America great again or something. China's got 10% duty on imports the US has 30%. They're gonna pause a bunch of them for 90 days. It's a 'win win,' or so they say I'm not falling for it!

More Meetings? Aw Come On! This is Worse Than When Kyle Outsmarted Me!

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent – whoever that is – says they're gonna meet again soon to talk more. Apparently China's got more to lose if this whole tariff pause thing goes away. It's like when I pretended to be a robot to get out of chores. Only this time China's the robot and Trump's got the remote. He he he!

Buying Votes? Buying Time? Trump is Playing the Game!

Wang – the Evercore guy not Wang Chung – thinks China's gonna try to please Trump so the Republicans do good in the midterm elections. That means they might buy stuff or invest in American stuff. But it's all just a big game you guys. A game I would totally win if I were in charge. Which by the way I should be.

TikTok Drama? Trump's Real Target! Screw You Guys I'm Going Home!

And get this there's this app called TikTok and Trump wants China to sell it or get banned in the U.S. He says it's a national security thing. Yeah right. More like he's jealous because he doesn't have millions of kids dancing to stupid songs on his Truth Social. That's his 'real target' the guy said. God this is boring. I'm going home!

Tariffs are the Most Powerful Tool You Will Respect My Authoritah!

Trump even posted on Truth Social that tariffs are the 'most powerful Economic tool' and 'very important to our National Security!' He doesn't want TikTok to 'go dark.' Whatever that means. All I know is Trump's trying to be a big shot and China's probably gonna get screwed. Just like Kyle always gets screwed. Ha ha!