Screw You Guys, I'm Getting Rich! Omada Health Files for IPO!

Respect My Authoritah! Omada Wants Your Money

Listen up you guys! That stupid company Omada Health the one that helps people with their pre diabeetus and stuff is trying to pull a fast one. They're doing an IPO! Which means they want YOUR money to make themselves even richer. It's like when Kyle tries to give all his money away... only this is way dumber because it involves *health*.

Sweet! Mo' Money Mo' Problems?

Apparently these guys made $55 million in the first quarter alone! That's a lot of freakin' respect right there! They say it's up 57% from last year. But they still lost a bunch of money. Typical. It's like when I try to start a business and end up owing my mom money for Butters' bail again.

Blame Canada! Er Trump!

The stupid market is all messed up because of...uh...Trump apparently. Something about tariffs. It's always somebody else's fault isn't it? Just like when I blame Kyle for everything. Which let's be honest it's usually Kyle's fault.

Screw You Guys We're Going Public!

Other dumb companies are chickening out of going public but not Omada! They're all 'Screw you guys we're going public!' I admire their tenacity. Mostly because I want to be rich too. Maybe I should start a company that sells cheesy poofs...to diabeetus people.

Over 600,000 Members? Lame!

They've got over 600,000 members! That's a lot of people with the diabeetus. And who cares if 'more than 156 million Americans suffer from at least one chronic condition'? What about ME? What about my needs? Where's MY respect?

I'm Not Fat I'm Big Boned! And Soon RICH!

So the CEO of Omada some dude named Sean Duffy wants you to buy their stock. He says it's a 'unique chance to build a promising and successful business.' Whatever. He's probably just trying to make himself look good. But hey maybe if I buy enough stock I can finally get that freakin' Kenny doll I've always wanted! Mmm respect!