Screw You Guys, I'm Investing in Podcasts! (And Video Too, Duh!)

Kick Ass Content: Even Kelce Brothers Are In It

Alright listen up you Butters! Eric Cartman here reporting live from my freakin' basement! So apparently Amazon – yeah the same place where my mom gets my Cheesy Poofs – had this big shindig called 'Upfronts.' And get this they had those Kelce brothers you know the football dudes there not to yak about football but about their stupid podcast. Can you believe that? Podcasts! Who even listens to those things? Oh wait…maybe I should start one. 'Cartman Rules!' Yeah that sounds awesome!

Live Sports? Respect My Authoritah! But Podcasts...

So these Upfronts things are all about advertisers throwing their money around at whatever shiny crap the media companies are peddling. Apparently sports are still a big deal because everyone is a dumbass. But these podcasts with their stupid videos are getting all the attention. It's like screw you guys I'm going to YouTube and watch someone else be funnier than you! Which isn't hard BTW.

Netflix Is Getting In On This? Oh My God They Suck!

Even Netflix is talking about podcasts! Ted Sarandos who has a stupid name says they might put podcasts on their platform. Seriously? Netflix is already a dumpster fire of garbage shows and now they want podcasts? What what what?! Well maybe I could make my Cartman Rules podcast a Netflix show? Oh sweet!

YouTube Is Dominating? No Way Dude!

So turns out people don't just listen to podcasts anymore they WATCH them. Freakin' YouTube is swimming in podcasts especially ones with video. This Neal Mohan dude from YouTube is jerking off over Joe Rogan's interview with Trump getting a gazillion views. A gazillion!! That's more than I have freakin' followers... I hate you guys. I'm going home.

Amazon Is Sneaky Like A Ninja (Or A Ginger)

Amazon bought this company called Wondery which makes podcasts like "Dr. Death." Seriously who names a podcast that? So now Amazon can sell ads for these podcasts like on YouTube AND on their own ad supported streaming channels. They're getting so much money. God DAMMIT!

Sports Talk? That's Bullcrap!

Sports podcasts are the most popular ones because people are sooooo dumb. They'll listen to a bunch of meatheads talk about football all day. But whatever. The Kelce brothers got a $100 million deal for their podcast. $100 MILLION!!! That's enough to buy a lifetime supply of Cheesy Poofs. Screw you guys. I'm starting a podcast about how awesome I am. You will respect my authoritah!!