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Showing 51 to 60 of 136 news articles

Even with tariffs trying to ruin my life, Costco's still raking in the cash and keeping prices low enough for me to buy all the cheesy poofs I want! image

Costco's Got More Bling Than My Gold Chains, Screw You Guys, I'm Buying Everything!

Thu 29 May, 2025 23:11
2 minutes to read

That's right, I, Eric Cartman, am reporting on Jeep's new Cherokee because even I need a sweet ride to haul my Cheesy Poofs...and maybe save Jeep from being totally lame. image

Screw You Guys, I'm Getting a Jeep Cherokee (Maybe, If It's Not Lame)

Thu 29 May, 2025 16:21
2 minutes to read

Eric Cartman reports on the looming trade war between the US and China, where Trump wants high-tech stuff and China's all like, 'Respect my authoritah!' image

Screw You Guys, I'm Building a Trade War! Cartman's Take on Trump vs. China

Thu 29 May, 2025 00:09
3 minutes to read

Vice President JD Vance kisses Trump's butt by promoting stablecoin legislation at Bitcoin 2025, while dissing on Gensler and gloating about crypto profits. Respect my Authoritah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Getting Rich with Crypto! Vance Shills Stablecoins at Bitcoin Conference

Wed 28 May, 2025 18:18
2 minutes to read

Stellantis, those car-making dorks, finally got a new CEO. Maybe now they'll stop making cars that smell like hippies and patchouli. image

Screw You Guys, I'm Buying a Car Company! (Or At Least Reporting On It)

Wed 28 May, 2025 06:59
2 minutes to read

Nippon Steel might actually buy U.S. Steel now, and even though Biden's being a Butters about it, Trump's saying it's cool...ish. As long as America gets to keep some control, which is how it should be, duh! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Buying U.S. Steel (Kinda, Sorta, Thanks Trump!)

Tue 27 May, 2025 14:26
2 minutes to read

Daniel Lubetzky, the Kind Bar kingpin, is branching out his family office into longevity and other stuff, leaving all you poor people in the dust. Waa waa waa! image

Respect My Authoritah! Kind Bar Billionaire Diversifies His Stash, Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home!

Mon 26 May, 2025 12:00
2 minutes to read

That stupid Swiss company, On, is making a bunch of money selling shoes and trying to steal Nike and Adidas' market share! Respect my Authoritah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Buying Swiss Shoes! On's Sneaky Plan to Beat Nike and Adidas

Sat 24 May, 2025 14:21
2 minutes to read

Apple's bending over backward in China, offering more trade-in cash for old iPhones. It's about time they give ME a discount, respect my authoritah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Getting an iPhone (For Cheaper!)

Fri 23 May, 2025 07:45
2 minutes to read

That stupid data company, Snowflake, is making a ton of money, and I'm gonna tell you why it pisses me off... because I didn't invest! image

Screw You Guys, Snowflake's Stock is Doing Awesome (Respect My Authoritah)!

Thu 22 May, 2025 16:12
2 minutes to read