Screw You Guys, I'm Getting an iPhone (For Cheaper!)

What What What?! More Money?!

Alright listen up you guys. Apparently Apple's getting desperate in China probably because everyone there finally realized their phones are overpriced garbage. They're actually giving MORE money for your old busted iPhones if you trade them in for a new one. I'm talking like up to 5,700 yuan for the iPhone 15 Pro Max. That's like a whole Cartmanland's worth of yuan! Respect my authoritah!

It's All About the Benjamins Baby!

Seriously these new iPhone 15 Pro Max phones start at 7,999 yuan! That is insane. So you’re telling me if I bring in my grandma’s old iPhone 4 (may she rest in peace mostly) they'll knock off a chunk of that price? Sweet! I bet I could get a whole Butters worth of discount off that thing maybe even two Butters!

China's Got Apple By The Balls!

The article says Apple's sales are down in China because those communist chumps are buying phones from companies like Xiaomi and Huawei. Can you believe it? Buying CHINESE phones? That's like totally uncool. But hey if it means I get a cheaper iPhone I'm all for it. Screw you guys I'm going to China (virtually I'm not leaving my Xbox).

Trump's Got Beef With Everyone!

And get this Trump is yelling at Tim Cook because Apple wants to make their phones in India! Trump is all like 'No make them here in America!' Probably so he can slap a tariff on them and make them even MORE expensive. What a tool. This is worse than that time Kyle tried to tell me about tolerance.

Xiaomi: The New Kid On The Block!

This Xiaomi company sounds like a bunch of nerds but they're apparently kicking Apple's ass. They even made their OWN chips! That’s like if I suddenly started building my own robots to do my chores. Unheard of! They are spending like 7 billion dollars on developing their chips! How am I suppose to compete with this. I feel just like Scott Tenorman now!

I'm Not Fat I'm Just... Big Boned!

So the moral of the story is China's making Apple sweat Trump's being a dick and I might actually be able to afford a new iPhone without having to sell my Cartmanland tickets. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go try to convince my mom to give me her old phone. She owes me after that whole Coon and Friends fiasco.