Screw You Guys, I'm Getting Rich with Crypto! Vance Shills Stablecoins at Bitcoin Conference

Respect My Authoritah... and My Crypto Gains!

Alright listen up you stupid hippies! It's Eric Cartman here and I'm reporting live from my solid gold toilet about the biggest news in the crypto world. Apparently that d bag JD Vance who's now Vice President thanks to Trump went to some stupid Bitcoin conference in Las Vegas and started blabbing about stablecoins. He's all like "Oh stablecoins are gonna make America great again!" Gag me with a spoon!

Stablecoins: More Like STABLE BORING!

So these stablecoins are supposed to be worth like a dollar or something. What's the point? I want my crypto to go to the moon! I wanna be richer than Kyle's mom! But whatever Vance thinks they're super important because they won't screw up the US dollar. He's probably just trying to kiss Trump's tiny little butt because the big T has his own crypto garbage.

GENIUS Act? More Like GENIUSly Stupid!

Apparently these Republicans are trying to pass some bill called the 'GENIUS Act' to control these stablecoins. It sounds like a load of crap to me. But the Democrats are all worried because Trump has his own meme coin and his family is in the crypto business which is a 'conflict of interest'. As if Trump cares about that! He's probably just trying to scam all the poor people who think he's some kind of financial guru.

Vance Disses Gensler: "We Fired Him!"

The best part of this whole thing? Vance took a shot at that d bag Gary Gensler! That loser used to be in charge of the SEC and he hated crypto. Vance was all like "We fired Gary Gensler – and we're going to fire everyone like him!" YES! That's what I'm talking about! All those annoying regulators need to go straight to Hell!

The Government Gets Out of Crypto: Finally!

And get this the Department of Labor is getting rid of some stupid rule that told people not to put crypto in their retirement accounts. Finally! Now I can tell all the old people to buy DogeCoin and make me even richer! Screw you guys I'm going home... with a whole lot more money.

Screw You Guys... Crypto is Back Baby!

So yeah basically Vance is shilling crypto Trump's making money off of it and I'm gonna be rich! You guys are all gonna be working at City Wok while I'm swimming in a pool of Bitcoin. Respect my authoritah! Now if you'll excuse me I have to go buy more crypto before it goes to the moon! God dammit.