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Some stupid study says you can avoid being a dumbass old person by not being a fatass and having friends. Whatever. image

Screw You Guys, I'm Not Getting Dementia! (Unless It Means I Forget Butters)

Sat 03 May, 2025 14:00
3 minutes to read

President Trump's trade war with China may lead to less stuff on store shelves this holiday season, and I am NOT happy about it! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home...Empty-Handed: Trump's Tariffs Threaten Christmas!

Fri 02 May, 2025 14:54
3 minutes to read

Standard Chartered's first-quarter profits are up, and I want a piece of the action! They're swimming in cash from wealth management and global markets, while all I got is this stupid Kenny... image

Screw You Guys, I'm Making Bank! Standard Chartered is Totally Raking it In!

Fri 02 May, 2025 06:27
2 minutes to read

That's right, Eric Cartman's got the inside scoop on Coca-Cola, and he's here to tell you why you should be lining your pockets with delicious, sugary profits, while PepsiCo is for losers! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Investing in Coke! (And You Should Too, Dumbasses)

Thu 01 May, 2025 18:58
2 minutes to read

Apple's caught red-handed lying to the court about App Store fees, and now they're gonna pay! Respect my Authoritah! image

Apple Bites the Big One: Judge Calls 'Em Out for Being Total Douchebags!

Thu 01 May, 2025 14:27
2 minutes to read

Cartman analyzes how those stupid tariffs are (or aren't) messing with Microsoft's massive piles of cash, and why you should all respect his authoritah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Talking About Tariffs (And Microsoft's Money, Duh!)

Thu 01 May, 2025 03:35
3 minutes to read

Microsoft's quarterly report proves they're not a bunch of smelly hippies, raking in more dough than I can shake a stick at, especially with that Azure cloud crap. image

Screw You Guys, Microsoft's Making Bank! (And I Want In!)

Wed 30 April, 2025 20:24
2 minutes to read

Homebuyers are ditching mortgage applications faster than Kenny ditches his parka in July, thanks to this totally lame economy. Even I, Eric Cartman, wouldn't buy a house right now! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Not Buying a House! (Because the Economy Sucks)

Wed 30 April, 2025 11:28
2 minutes to read

Those stupid companies, Microsoft and Meta, are using AI to write code now, probably to take away all our jobs and make me eat my own parents! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Replacing You with AI! Microsoft and Meta's Evil Plan!

Wed 30 April, 2025 01:58
2 minutes to read

Meta's launching a stand-alone AI app to compete with ChatGPT and take over the world, respect my authoritah! image

Screw You, OpenAI! Meta's New AI App is Gonna Make You Cry!

Tue 29 April, 2025 16:11
2 minutes to read