Screw You Guys, I'm Suing Amazon! (And Germany's Helping!)

Respect My Pricing Authoritah!

Oh my god you guys! Those freakin' Germans are finally doing something right for once! Turns out Amazon's been messin' with the prices of all the stuff those loser third party sellers are trying to sell. And I'm like 'Screw you Amazon! You can't just go around controlling everyone's prices!'

Amazon's Being a Big Fat Bully!

Apparently Amazon's got these stupid algorithms and stuff that decide if your prices are 'too high' or 'not competitive.' And if they don't like your price they hide your stuff in the search results or even worse they take away your buy box! That's like the worst thing that could happen to a seller you guys! It's like when Kyle gets all the girls and I'm stuck playing World of Warcraft with Butters. Uncool Amazon uncool!

Germany's Got Amazon by the Balls!

This German 'Federal Cartel Office' – whatever that is – is saying that Amazon's being a total bully. They're saying that since Amazon sells stuff on their own website too they're basically competing with those other sellers. So when they mess with the prices it's like cheating! And you know what I say about cheaters: They're ruining the game for everyone! And nobody likes a cheater except maybe Wendy Testaburger because she's always kissing up to Kyle!

Amazon's Whining Like Butters!

Of course Amazon's crying about it saying that if they can't mess with prices it'll be bad for customers and sellers. They're saying it'll lead to 'abusive pricing.' But I know what they're really saying: 'Waaah we can't control everything! Waaah!' Just like Butters when he can't go to City Wok. Pathetic!

The EU's Already Kicked Their Ass!

Turns out this isn't the first time Amazon's been caught with their pants down. They already had to make a deal with those European Union dudes about this same kinda stuff. Now the US Federal Trade Commission is sticking their nose in too! Maybe they'll finally learn to respect my authoritah! Or at least you know not be such greedy little kikes.

Time to Sue Amazon and Get Rich!

So listen up you guys! If you're one of those loser sellers who got screwed over by Amazon's stupid pricing games you should totally sue them! That's what I would do! I'd get all the money and buy Casa Bonita and finally ban all the stupid minorities from my restaurant. It'll be the best!