Screw You Guys, I'm Building an AI Empire! Cartman's Take on Trump's AI Plans

Respect My Authoritah! The AI Edition

Okay listen up you guys! Eric Cartman here reporting live from my freaking basement! I just heard about this whole AI thing from that dumbass White House AI 'czar' – whatever that means. This Sacks dude is saying we shouldn't be so worried about China stealing our AI chips. He's like 'Oh they're too big to smuggle!' Yeah like anyone's gonna carry a server rack in their freakin' backpack Kyle! But seriously this whole thing is about China and how they're trying to catch up in the AI race. It's like when Kenny tries to beat me at video games but with more at stake. And by 'stake' I mean my future AI theme park. It's gonna be awesome.

Biden's a Douchebag (As Always)

So apparently Biden was all worried about these AI chips falling into the wrong hands. He wanted to put all these stupid rules in place. 'Wah wah we gotta protect ourselves!' What a freakin' hippie! Trump on the other hand (kinda) is like 'Let's sell this crap to everyone!' And like make money which is awesome! This Sacks guy even said Trump is gonna make diffusion a good word... Whatever. As long as that lets me get enough money for my AI theme park!

UAE? More Like 'U Are Epic'!

So Trump's making a deal with the United Arab Emirates to build some huge AI thing there. I don't even know where that is but it sounds rich which is perfect! Biden was being a total turd by blocking chip shipments there but Trump is all about making deals and making money! Maybe I can get a cut of that action for Cartmanland 2.0: AI Edition.

Huawei? More Like 'Hua Why Bother?'

This Sacks guy is worried that if we don't watch out Huawei will take over the AI world. Like who cares about Huawei? I'm pretty sure they make those phones that Butters uses... lame! But Sacks says that if their chips end up everywhere we lost. Which I guess means I'm not getting that AI theme park so we can't let that happen you guys!

China's NOT My Friend Guy!

Apparently China is getting pretty good at AI. They have this app called DeepSeek that's freaking people out. Sacks says they're only like a few months behind us. A few months?! That's like an eternity when you're trying to build an AI empire! We need to step up our game before they start using AI to make even cheaper knockoffs of Coon and Friends merchandise.

Screw You Guys I'm Going Home (to Plan My AI Takeover)

Okay so the White House is saying China's chips are still behind ours but their models are catching up. Whatever dude. All I know is I need to figure out how to get my hands on some of this AI stuff. Maybe I can convince Butters to hack into the Pentagon or something. 'Oh hamburgers!' Anyway I'm going home. I've got a theme park to plan and you guys are ruining it for me!