Zuckerberg's Brainchild: Meta's Quest for Total World Domination Through Superintelligence! (Or Just Another Tuesday)

Good News Everyone! Meta's Building a Brain!

Alright folks Leela here your one eyed wonder delivering the news straight from the year 3024... I mean 2024. Turns out that Zuckerberg guy the one who basically owns everyone's memories and cat videos is building a super smart AI lab. Apparently he wants to make an AI that's smarter than... well everyone. Even Zoidberg! And that’s saying something because wow is that thing dumb. They're calling it "superintelligence". I'm just hoping it doesn't involve turning us all into Soylent Green cause I hear it tastes like people!

Scale AI: The Next Big Thing or Just Another Hypnotoad?

To make this super brain a reality Meta's throwing a boatload of money – over $10 billion according to Bloomberg – at this company called Scale AI. Sounds like they're trying to scale up intelligence which let’s be honest is something a lot of people could use. I wonder if they can scale up my fighting skills too? I could use some help when I have to fight robot gangsters! Anyway Scale AI’s staying tight lipped probably because they're busy counting all that sweet sweet Bezos bucks... I mean Zuckerberg zlotys!

Meta vs. the Machines: The AI Arms Race is ON!

It's no secret that everyone and their grandma is trying to build the ultimate AI. Meta's just throwing their hat (and billions of dollars) into the ring. They're spending a wild $65 billion on AI infrastructure this year! Makes you wonder what they're planning... I’m just hoping that it will not be some sort of doomsday device. Maybe they are just trying to create a better way to share videos of Nibbler pooping dark matter. One can only hope!

Meta AI: Now With a Billion Users... Prepare for the Inevitable!

Apparently Meta's AI assistant already has a billion users. A BILLION! That's almost as many tentacles as there are on a Scruffy's Janitorial closet. They are planning on releasing a standalone app for Meta AI and creating a paid subscription. Do we really need another thing trying to sell us something? I'd rather fight El Chupanibre barehanded than deal with another subscription service.

Zuckerberg's Recruitment Drive: Resistance is Futile!

Rumor has it that Zuckerberg himself is personally recruiting a team of 50 to work on this AI project. Sounds like he's putting together the A Team of nerds. Or maybe he just wants someone to blame when the robots take over. Either way I'm staying far far away. The last time I worked with robots I ended up battling Bender for the fate of the universe!

Meta's Stock: Up Up and Away! (Until the Robots Attack)

And of course because this is the future Meta's stock is up. Because apparently the stock market loves the idea of sentient machines. I just hope they remember to unplug the internet before the robots learn to short sell humanity. I am scared everyone. Really.