Holy Orbiting Deathspiders! Airlines Ditch the Middle East Faster Than Zoidberg at a Fancy Restaurant!

Not Another DOOMSDAY!

Alright meatbags Leela here reporting live from... well not the Middle East thankfully. Seems like things are getting a bit spicy over there even for my taste! After the U.S. decided to poke the Iranian nuclear bear (again!) airlines are pulling out faster than Bender at a magnetic strip club. Apparently someone decided to start a war and now everyone's gotta take the long way around like Fry trying to understand quantum physics. It's a real planetary emergency!

Empty Skies and Full Diapers!

Dubai and Doha usually buzzing like a swarm of space bees are now ghost towns in the sky. Finnair Singapore Airlines Air France – they're all saying 'hasta la vista baby!' to the region. Even that snooty Air Astana is ditching Dubai! Me? I'd rather face a swarm of Killbots than deal with the delays. At least with Killbots you know what you're getting: relentless mindless destruction! Remember when Hermes got lost in bureaucracy? This is worse!

Detours and Doom!

So where are these fancy sky carriages going instead? North over the Caspian Sea or south through Egypt and Saudi Arabia. Basically they're trying to avoid becoming a smoking crater in the desert. And get this – with the Russian Ukrainian conflict already messing things up the Middle East was like the *only* decent route! Now we're burning extra fuel and paying the crew overtime. At this rate we'll all be begging for Soylent Green!

Fuel Prices Soaring Like a Hyperchicken!

As if things weren't bad enough oil prices are going up faster than Zoidberg fleeing a bill. That means jet fuel is gonna cost more which means your tickets are gonna cost more. So basically you're paying extra to fly further and risk getting shot down. Sounds like a great deal right? Why not fly with me? Planet Express crew always gets extra pay when we are dodging meteors which is usually ALL THE TIME!

GPS Gone Wild!

And here's a fun fact: turns out someone's been messing with the GPS! Location spoofing is sending planes off course which is just fantastic. Now instead of landing in Dubai you might end up on Uranus. Literally. Safe Airspace is warning about increased threats to American operators which means even *more* airspace risks. Honestly I'm starting to miss the days when the biggest threat was a rogue black hole.

Israel's Escape Hatch!

While everyone else is running away Israel is ramping up flights to help people escape and for others to leave the country. El Al is limiting to 50 passengers. So if you are lucky enough to get a seat buckle up and pray! Who knows maybe this is all just a giant simulation run by MomCorp. If so I call dibs on being the one with two eyes in the next round!