Holy Motherboards! Regencell Stock Goes Bonkers, Leaving Leela Utterly Confused

A Company with Zero Revenue is Richer than Kraft Heinz?!

Good news everyone! It's your favorite cyclops Leela reporting live from... well wherever the Planet Express ship happens to be parked. And folks things are getting weird even by our standards! This company Regencell Bioscience – sounds like something Farnsworth cooked up – is based in Hong Kong and supposedly makes traditional Chinese medicine to treat ADHD and autism. But here's the kicker: they have ZERO revenue! Nada. Zilch. Yet somehow their stock went crazier than Zoidberg at a dumpster diving convention! The stock has risen more than 58,000% in 2025! I've seen less action at a Slurm party.

Stock Splits and Vaccine Skeptics: A Recipe for Disaster?

They say this surge is because of a stock split. Sure that's what they ALL say! And get this: apparently the new Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is skeptical about vaccines. Now I'm no doctor (thank goodness because two eyes would be so much harder to coordinate!) but messing with science seems like a bad idea. It's like letting Bender design the Planet Express ship – you're just asking for trouble! Remember that time he installed a beer holder instead of life support? Good times... for him. Not so much for Fry.

Miracle Cure or Snake Oil? The Mystery Deepens

So what exactly does Regencell do? Well it involves a "proprietary Traditional Chinese Medicine formula" cooked up by some guy named Sik Kee Au who just happens to be the father of the CEO. Nepotism! That’s the 31st century for ya! The formula's supposed to treat mild moderate and severe ADHD and ASD with "detoxication herbs" and "blood circulation herbs". Sounds suspiciously like something Zoidberg would try to sell you out of his trunk.

Losses Lies and LinkedIn Lunacy

Here's the real kicker: Regencell admitted in their filings that they haven't made any money haven't gotten any approvals and might never be profitable. So basically they're the Zapp Brannigan of bioscience. But the internet is buzzing! People on Reddit are saying it's trading like a meme coin. One investor on LinkedIn said he "can't stop laughing" after reading the company description. Me neither. Fry would probably invest his life savings in it based on the name alone.

COVID Cures and Shady Studies

It gets worse! Back in 2021 they claimed to have treated COVID 19 with a modified cold and flu formula. Sounds legit! Also they have conducted studies on a dozen patients with improvements but the fact remains that there is a LOT of skepticism. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not but I need to file this report so I can get back to stopping Zapp from hitting on me.

Don't Be a Dummy: Do Your Research!

So what's the moral of the story? Well kids if something sounds too good to be true it probably is. Before you go throwing your hard earned money (or you know robot parts you found in a dumpster) at some crazy stock do your research! And remember what Professor Farnsworth always says: 'I don't want to live on this planet anymore!' ... Actually maybe he's onto something this time.