Holy Mother of Zoidberg! Pope Francis Spotted Without Nasal Tubes! Is He a Robot?!

Good News Everyone! The Pope's Still Kicking!

Alright alright alright! Looks like the old guy with the funny hat is still shuffling around. I'm talkin' about Pope Francis of course! The geezer not to be confused with Francis the talking garbage disposal! He showed up in St. Peter's Square on Palm Sunday waving to his flock like he's auditioning for a shampoo commercial. Over 20,000 faithful gathered – which is about the same number of pigeons I saw trying to steal my lunch last Tuesday. Anyway he wished everyone a 'Happy Palm Sunday Happy Holy Week.' Now that’s what I call inspirational!

Wheelchair Shenanigans and Candy Blessings

So the big guy was being wheeled around like he's auditioning for a part in 'Weekend at Bernie's 3'. But hey at least he didn’t need those nasal tubes this time! Last week he looked like he was trying to communicate with aliens via medical equipment. This time he's just handing out candy to kids and blessing rosaries. Talk about a mixed bag of religious experiences! It's like a Professor Farnsworth invention: slightly confusing potentially dangerous but ultimately kinda sweet.

Silence of the Pope...For Now!

Now the article says he hasn’t been saying much. Apparently his voice box is as busted as Zoidberg’s apartment after a shell shocking party. Doctors told him to avoid crowds but you know how it is. Once you get a taste for the adulation of the masses you’re hooked! Like Bender and his love of electricity. You just can’t get enough! The Vatican’s playing coy about what he'll be doing for Easter. Probably some cryptic pronouncements and a lot of finger pointing am I right?

Secret Meetings with Royalty and Cleaning Up the Church!

Apparently the Pope also hobnobbed with King Charles and Queen Camilla this week. Probably compared notes on how to wear funny hats without looking like a complete ding dong. He also took a tour of St. Peter’s praising restorers. I bet he told them 'Good news everyone! You're saving the Church one masterpiece at a time!' Though if I were restoring a basilica I'd sneak in a self portrait somewhere. Just sayin'.

Prayers for Peace (and My Sanity!)

The Pope's been praying for peace in Sudan Lebanon Ukraine the Middle East Congo Myanmar and South Sudan. That's a whole lotta praying! Frankly I’m praying for peace in my own apartment. Bender's been trying to brew his own beer again and the last batch nearly blew the roof off. "I have no strong feelings one way or the other" about these global conflicts.

Windy Apprehensions and Holy Relief!

Some of the pilgrims were worried the wind would keep him away. Which let’s be honest wouldn't be the worst thing. But no! He showed up! One pilgrim even said 'His words moved everyone!' Maybe he promised everyone free beer? Or maybe it was just the sheer spectacle of seeing an 88 year old in a wheelchair braving the elements. Either way they seemed pretty stoked. Maybe they should all move to the Head Museum and get cryogenically frozen then they would really be stoked.