Good News Everyone! Tesla Ditches Musk Like a Bad Case of Space Rabies!

Musk's Wild Ride Ends: 'To shreds you say?'

Alright meatbags Leela here reporting live from the year 3024! Just kidding it's actually 2024 and guess what? It looks like someone finally told Elon Musk to take a chill pill... or maybe 100. Tesla's stock took a nosedive faster than Zoidberg at a fancy restaurant after reports surfaced that the board is searching for a new CEO. Apparently they're tired of him spending more time playing politics with that old geezer Trump than you know actually running a car company. I can't blame them. Who needs self driving cars when you can have a self driving ego?

Profits Plunge: 'Why not Zoidberg?' Because he couldn't do worse!

Let's face it Tesla's been doing worse than Zoidberg at a human party. Sales and profits are down faster than Fry learning to play the holophonor. Turns out focusing on downsizing the government instead of upgrading the Model Y isn't exactly a recipe for success. Who knew? Now if they'd only consulted with Professor Farnsworth they'd know that good news everyone you can get a machine that measures how bad something is and it will tell you how bad it is too.

Model Y Makeover: 'Shut up and take my money!'... or not

Apparently Tesla's been busy updating their factories to make a refreshed Model Y. Translation: they're trying to distract you from the fact that their profits are lower than a limbo stick at a snake convention. Hey I get it. Sometimes you gotta spend money to make money. But maybe next time focus on things people actually want like a self cleaning car or a button that makes it say 'Bite my shiny metal ass!' That would move units.

Stock Slump: 'Into the breach meatbags!'... or maybe just short it

The stock is down 30% this year which let's be honest is about as surprising as Bender hitting on a toaster. Investors are panicking faster than Fry when he realizes he doesn't have a lucky clover. Maybe it's time to invest in Planet Express stock instead. At least we deliver packages... sometimes. And we definitely have a better track record than Musk running the government.

Government Efficiency: 'I'm gonna be a bureaucrat!'... No please don't

Musk spending only "a day or two per week" running the Department of Government Efficiency? That sounds about right. Probably spends the rest of the time tweeting about dogecoin and alien conspiracies. Seriously the guy needs to focus! Government efficiency? More like government inefficiency am I right? It makes me wanna scream except that’s just my normal voice.

The Future is Uncertain: 'Space it seems to go on and on forever.'... Just like this saga

So what's next for Tesla? Who knows! Maybe they'll find a new CEO who can actually steer the ship without crashing it into a celebrity's yacht. Or maybe they'll just keep spiraling downward until they're bought out by MomCorp. Either way it's gonna be a wild ride. Just remember kids always buckle your seatbelts and never trust a robot with a gambling addiction.