Earthicans Prepare for the Great Trade War of 3024! Is This the End of Slurm?

A Tariff So High It'd Make Zoidberg Blush!

Alright folks Leela here your one eyed reporter on the scene. You won't believe what's happening back in the 21st Century. Apparently this President Trump guy the one with the hair that looks like a startled Tribble has slapped so many tariffs on Chinese goods that it could basically end trade between Earth and China! And with the way things are going the professor may need to hook me to the What If Machine to see how badly this ends up affecting the future. Economist Erica York from some Tax Foundation says these tariffs are hitting triple digits. That's more digits than I have eyes... or fingers for that matter. 'It cuts it off,' she says. Sounds pretty serious even for someone who's flown through a swarm of space bees.

Market Meltdown! More Dramatic Than Fry's First Day?

So the market's freaking out. Big surprise right? It's like watching Fry try to operate a cryogenic chamber total chaos! Apparently some White House bigwig confirmed the U.S. tariff rate on Chinese goods is now a whopping 145%! That includes a recent hike and some duty on… wait for it… fentanyl. Honestly you can't make this stuff up. It's like they're writing a bad sitcom back there. I bet Bender could come up with a better economic policy and that's saying something since he's you know Bender.

90 Days of… What? A Temporary Reprieve? Don't Count on It!

And now the plot thickens! Trump’s giving everyone (except China) a 90 day tariff break like he's Santa Claus or something. He temporarily reduced tariffs on imports to 10% for 90 days. But get this he wouldn't rule out extending it! 'Good news everyone!' like the Professor always says...but really that probably means there's something bad in store. And it's not like things are rosy to begin with. This York lady says that even with the 'pause' we're still looking at tariff levels not seen since the 1940s. That's older than Professor Farnsworth and Mom combined! Which is saying something since those two have been around since the Big Bang.

Protectionism! Are We Going Backwards People?!

So what does all this mean? Well apparently even with this 'pause' Trump's basically turned Earth into a giant protectionist bubble. 'It'll take the average tariff rate still to highs that we haven't seen since the 1940s so this is major,' York said. This whole thing leads to huge cost increases and a hit to the economy. It's like trying to fly the Planet Express ship after Bender's had a few too many Ol' Janx Spirits just not a good idea people. Not a good idea at all.

Billions and Billions... of Dollars in Taxes! Oh My!

Hold onto your monocles everyone! The Tax Foundation (whoever *they* are) estimates that all these tariffs will rake in an extra $171.6 billion in taxes. That's more money than Zoidberg could ever hope to spend on shrimp (which let's face it is a LOT). This would be the biggest tax increase since 1993 which is longer ago than Fry's been in the future! And the worst part? This all sounds complicated enough to make me want to bang my head against a wall (which granted I do anyway sometimes). Hopefully Bender doesn't get any ideas for tax evasion.

China's Not Backing Down! Is This the End of Cheap Gadgets?!

And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse China's throwing fuel on the fire! They’ve raised their own retaliatory levies on Earth imports. I thought these tariffs were bad enough...now this? China says it won't flinch if this becomes a trade war. Great. Just great. That means we might have to kiss goodbye to all those cheap gadgets. What's a one eyed gal to do without her robotic eye massager?! Hopefully we can all band together to make sure this doesn't end up as another world war. This is Leela signing off. Remember stay vigilant and maybe start hoarding Slurm. You never know when it might be the only thing left we can afford!