Goldman Sachs Says 'Good Morning' to Your Wallet: Stocks That Could Make You Filthy Rich (Or Just Slightly Less Poor)

Oh Joy! More Financial Advice from the Morons at Goldman Sachs

Right then world. Stewie Griffin here your resident genius and financial guru (self proclaimed naturally). Apparently those titans of industry over at Goldman Sachs have deigned to share their infinite wisdom with us mere mortals. They've hand picked a few stocks they think are ripe for the picking. It's like Christmas but instead of a Red Ryder BB gun you might get a slightly bigger pile of money. Or lose it all. Either way entertaining isn't it? As I always say 'Victory is mine!' Unless of course it isn't.

Apple: Because Everyone Needs Another iThingy

First up we have Apple. Yes that company that convinced you that you absolutely needed a new phone every year even though the old one still worked perfectly fine. Goldman Sachs seems to think that Apple's 'ecosystem' is strong whatever that means. Probably something about trapping you in a cycle of endless consumerism. But hey if it makes you feel good go for it. Just don't come crying to me when your bank account looks like Brian's dating life.

MasTec: Pipes Pipes Everywhere! (And Maybe Some Profit Too)

Next we have MasTec a company that builds pipelines. Apparently there's a boom in pipeline construction which means lots of lovely money for them. Goldman Sachs upgraded them to a 'buy,' so now might be the time to invest. Reminds me of the time Brian tried to build a dog house. What a catastrophe! Let's hope MasTec has more success shall we?

Valvoline: Oil Changes for the Masses (and Maybe You!)

Ah Valvoline purveyors of the lifeblood of our internal combustion engines. Goldman Sachs seems to think they're 'best in class,' whatever that means. Probably just another fancy way of saying they change oil real good. Supposedly they have a good brand and plenty of room to grow. Well I suppose that's good news if you're into that sort of thing. Personally I'm holding out for self driving cars so I don't have to deal with this nonsense.

Kontoor Brands: Jeans for the Apocalypse?

Then we have Kontoor Brands the parent company of Wrangler and Lee Jeans. Apparently Wrangler is doing well because of 'strong western trends.' So everyone's dressing like a cowboy now? Wonderful. They also own Helly Hansen an outdoor clothing company. Goldman Sachs seems to think this is a good thing. I guess they're preparing for the apocalypse? Either way I'll stick to my bespoke suits thank you very much.

BJ's: Wholesale Savings...or Wholesale Regret?

And finally BJ's. You know that warehouse store where you buy everything in bulk even if you don't need it? Goldman Sachs is bullish because they think people will keep buying lots of groceries and general merchandise. Which let's be honest is probably true. Who can resist a giant tub of mayonnaise at a bargain price? Just remember everything in moderation. Unless it's world domination of course. 'What the deuce?' is my mantra.