Mmm the Feds are Sniffin' Around!
Woohoo! Looks like UnitedHealth Group is in a bit of a pickle or maybe a whole jar of pickles! Those guys in suits the Department of Justice are pokin' around their Medicare Advantage biz and it's not for a friendly chat. Apparently there's whispers of some...uh...'irregularities.' Now I don't know much about 'irregularities,' but it sounds like somethin' Barney would get blamed for at Moe's.
Deeply Irresponsible? Or Deeply Delicious…ly Shady?
UnitedHealth is cryin' foul callin' the news 'deeply irresponsible.' Says they're standin' by their 'integrity.' Integrity eh? Sounds like one of those words Ned Flanders uses. But me? I'm standin' by my beer. And if there's smoke there's usually fire and maybe even some delicious BBQ involved. Mmm BBQ...
Deja Vu All Over Again… Just Like When I Messed Up at the Plant!
This ain't the first time the Feds have given UnitedHealth the ol' stink eye. Back in February they were already lookin' into whether the company was pumpin' up those diagnoses to get more money. Reminds me of when I 'accidentally' added extra sugar to the Duff...twice! My bad my bad. Nobody's perfect!
CEO Gone Like My Last Donut!
And get this! Their CEO Andrew Witty took off faster than Bart on a skateboard after prankin' Principal Skinner. Now some old timer named Stephen Hemsley is back in charge. Sounds like they're bringin' in the big guns...or maybe just the guy who knows where all the donuts are hidden. I wish I knew.
Stock Plunge! D'oh! (For Investors Not Me)
The stock is tankin' harder than my car after I 'accidentally' drove it into the Springfield Gorge. Down almost 50% this year! Ouch. Some smarty pants at Mizuho said they lost like a gazillion dollars or something. And they might get kicked out of the Dow Jones thingy! I don't know what that is but it sounds important... and probably full of more boring stuff than church on Sunday.
Cyberattacks Murders and Now This? Ay Caramba!
And as if that weren't enough they had a cyberattack and someone bumped off their CEO (the other guy Brian). It's been a rough year for those folks. Maybe they should try a vacation to someplace relaxing...like Chernobyl. At least things can't get worse right? Doh!
UnitedHealth Medicare Fraud DOJ Investigation Stock Plunge Health Care Insurance Scandal Homer Simpson
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ihsan_idolz
Doh! Not another scandal!
arpeggio
Mmm, conspiracy...
lham
They're always after me Lucky Charms!
yellowriver2
Worst. Health Insurance. Ever.
eclypsechic
I told you never to trust a guy in a suit!
Shaman
Where's my donut?