Doh! Dr. Doom Says Economy's Gonna Be a Real Pain in the Duff!

Mmm Stagflation...

Okay so this egghead named Dr. Doom – sounds like a villain from one of Bart's comics doesn't he? – he's sayin' the economy's gonna be a real 'doh!' moment. Apparently inflation's gonna stick around like Milhouse and things might even go *negative*. Negative! That's worse than when Marge makes me eat broccoli!

The Fed's Got a Case of the 'Wait and Sees'

This Dr. Doom guy Roubini thinks the Federal Reserve those guys who control the money are gonna hold off on lowering interest rates 'til December. December! That's almost as long as it takes to get a new donut flavor at Lard Lad. He thinks there will be a mild resolution to trade negotiations but that many countries will face a 15% rate whatever that means. Sounds like a whole lotta numbers that just get in the way of me and my Duff!

Don't Have a Cow Man! (But Maybe Squirrel Away Some Beer)

Now he's not saying it's gonna be a *total* apocalypse like when Burns blocks out the sun. More like a 'mini stagflationary shock'. Kinda like when you accidentally sit on a box of donuts. Disappointing but you can still salvage a few. He says we're not near the trade levels that caused that market crash like when I accidentally bet the family savings on the Globetrotters losing to the Generals.

Dr. Doom's Got a Fund? Sounds Fishy!

Turns out this Dr. Doom guy runs a fund called Atlas America Fund or USAF which sounds suspiciously like the Air Force trying to sell me insurance. It's supposed to be safe and sound like Marge when she says she is "mad". It's even got gold in it! Gold! I could pawn that for a lifetime supply of donuts!

Gold Defense Tech and... Cybersecurity? Mmm Cybersecurity...

Apparently this USAF thing invests in gold (mmm shiny!) government debt (zzzz...) and even…cybersecurity stocks. Cybersecurity! Sounds like something that would protect my internet from Bart when he is ordering stuff. They even dialed back on real estate. Smart move those houses are always falling apart. Just like my waistline

The Doughnut's Not Crumbling Just…Sliding

Roubini says the fund's bet on gold is because the world's ditching the US dollar. Like ditching Duff for some fancy microbrew! "We're not expecting things to crash," he says. But the trend is clear... and it's going in one direction... away from my beloved donuts! D'oh!