Doh! NATO's Gonna Spend How Much on BANG-BANG?!

Mmm Defense Spending...

Well gather 'round folks because Uncle Sam that lovable scamp is trying to get all those NATO fellas to cough up some serious dough! Like 5% of their whole GDP! Now I don't know what a GDP is but it sounds like something I should be eating with sprinkles on top. Apparently 3.5% is for shooty bang bang stuff and the other 1.5% is for...cyber stuff? Like fighting robots with donuts? I dunno but it sounds expensive. Mmm expensive donuts...

2%? More Like 0% Am I Right?

So get this: some of these countries are barely hitting the 2% mark they promised a long time ago. That's like promising Marge you'll take out the trash and then...forgetting. Doh! But now Trumpy Poo is back on the scene wanting everyone to REALLY mean it this time. “Yeah we mean it. We have a plan. 5% is real. We're going to get there,” blah blah blah. Sounds like a lot of fancy talk to me. Wake me up when someone mentions Duff Beer!

The Hague? Sounds Like a Fancy Donut!

They're all meeting in The Hague Netherlands. Sounds like a fancy donut place to me. Anyway apparently all this is super important because of the Ukraine thing and the Middle East thing. But all I hear is “blah blah blah global economy” when I really just want to hear “blah blah blah FREE DONUTS!” These defense analysts are saying it's the most important meeting in 77 years! That's like a million donut cycles!

Trump Wants ALL The Money!

Remember when Trump was screaming about everyone paying up back in 2018? Good times good times. Only a few countries were hitting the 2% mark back then and now like 23 are! Progress! But nobody's at 5% yet. It's like trying to eat a whole box of donuts in one sitting...possible but you'll regret it. And those countries are dragging their feet like me trying to go to work on a Monday. Doh!

UK? More Like U Don't Know!

The UK Poland and Germany are saying they'll pony up the dough but who knows when? The UK is even trying to weasel out of it for three years! Those sneaky Brits! And Spain and Italy? Major holdouts! Like me when Marge tells me to eat my vegetables. Canada? Even worse! They’re spending less than me on donuts and that’s saying something! This Jason fella said it's a long way from “commitments” to “actual capability”. It's like saying I'm committed to dieting but then a Krusty Burger appears.

Where's My Ray Gun?!

All these defense companies are rubbing their hands together waiting for the money to roll in. They need to know what weapons and stuff they need to make so they can… you know… defend us from aliens or whatever. One guy said they need to “align demand”. Sounds like a fancy way of saying “Make more ray guns!” Another guy said there is no easy solution. Well I know a solution: more donuts for everyone! It always works in Springfield!