Doh! Maersk's Money Mountain Gets a Little Less Mountainy Thanks to Those Dang Tariffs!

Woohoo! Maersk's Got the Dough!

Hey everyone Homer Simpson here reporting live from… uh… my couch! I just heard the news about this Maersk company – sounds kinda like 'mask,' which makes me think of Halloween! They made a ton of money like enough to buy a million donuts! Turns out they made $2.71 billion which is way more than I have in my piggy bank… which is empty by the way. D'oh!

Mmm Tariffs! Wait What Are Tariffs?

But hold on to your Duff beer folks! This Maersk guy Vincent Clerc is saying that these 'tariffs' are messing things up. Apparently Trump – you know the guy with the weird hair – put a bunch of extra charges on stuff coming from China and China got mad and did the same thing back! It's like when Bart pranks me and I have to retaliate by… well you know. Strangling him! But with money! "Kids you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try."

China and the US are fighting the economy suffers

Clerc went on and said something that the situation has mostly affected China and the US and that the other trade lanes had not been affected or at least not yet. I think this is a bad idea I hope these guys can solve their problems so that I can buy all the Chinese merchandise I want.

D'oh! The Volume is Shrinking!

So these tariffs are making it harder for Maersk to make even MORE money! They thought they would sell a bunch of shipping containers next year but now they're not so sure. It's like when I try to sneak an extra donut but Marge catches me. The volume of donuts in my belly decreases dramatically! As they said they are expecting "a lot of volatility ahead."

Red Sea Blues

And if that wasn't enough there's some trouble in the Red Sea too! Sounds scary! Probably some sea monsters or something. Maybe I should invest in a boat and become a pirate! I'd call it the 'Flying Duffman'! "I'm Bart Simpson who the hell are you?".

Don't Have a Cow Man! Is Maersk Going Down?

So Maersk's stock is going down a little bit. But I'm sure they'll be fine. They're probably just gonna raise the prices on everything! That way I'll have to pay even more for my… everything! D'oh! Well gotta go! I think I hear the ice cream truck! "Mmm ice cream!"