Doh! Israel and Iran Messing with My Beer Money... I Mean, Shipping!

Marge Where's My Insurance?

Alright folks Homer Simpson here reporting live from my couch (where the news is always better with donuts). Apparently these fellas in Israel and Iran are having a bit of a tiff. A *bit*? More like a full blown bar fight but with boats and… uh… things that go boom! And wouldn't you know it this whole shebang is costing us all money! Specifically the poor saps trying to sail boats through the Red Sea and that place I always mix up with perfume the Persian Gulf. Marge remind me again where we keep our boat insurance? Oh wait we don’t have a boat! D'oh!

0.2%? That's Like Two Donuts Out of Every Hundred!

So get this before all the kaboom started insurance companies were charging a reasonable fee to sail your ship into the danger zone. Now it’s like they saw me trying to parallel park the car and thought 'We gotta charge more!' According to some smarty pants at Marsh McLennan (whoever THEY are!) it’s now 0.2% of the ship's value. Before it was only 0.125%. That might not sound like much but it’s enough to make me spill my Duff! That's like two donuts out of every hundred I could be eating! This is outrageous! I'm never drinking beer again! (just kidding).

Red Sea Red Alert!

The Red Sea is getting redder not from sunsets but from worry! Insurance for the Red Sea is also going up because everyone’s scared something bad’s gonna happen. And Israel? Forget about it! Insurance for ports there has TRIPLED! That’s like finding three donuts when you only expected one! Sweet but also a little unsettling. Like when Bart pretends to be me. He's so troublesome...

24 Hours? I Can't Even Decide What to Watch on TV in 24 Hours!

And get this these insurance folks are only giving people 24 hours to decide if they want the insurance! Before they had 48! I can barely decide what to have for breakfast in 24 hours let alone insure a giant boat! This is an outrage! Where’s my pitchfork? Wait wrong show. D'oh!

Strait of What Now?

Apparently some fancy pants ship owners are avoiding a place called the Strait of Hormuz. Sounds like something you'd use to unclog a toilet! It's this narrow waterway that's super important for oil. If ships can't go through there prices go up! And you know what that means? More expensive gasoline and less money for… you guessed it… donuts! Why must life be so hard? Why couldn't I be born rich and handsome instead of this?

Can Someone Get Me a Donut?

So basically this whole Israel Iran thing is messing with my donut supply. I say can’t we all just get along? Maybe share a donut or two? Or maybe just leave the shipping lanes alone so I can get my fix of sugary goodness! Marge! Get me a donut! And maybe a beer. For… uh… research purposes.