Mmm... Half a Billion Doughnuts... I Mean Bitcoins!
Woohoo! GameStop the place where I pretend to buy games for Bart just went and bought 4,710 Bitcoins! That's like more than half a billion dollars! I don't know what a Bitcoin is but it sounds expensive. My brain hurts just thinking about it. Does this mean I can finally buy that solid gold donut I've always wanted? Mmm... solid gold...
Stupid Bitcoin Making Me Look Bad!
So apparently each Bitcoin is worth like over $108,000! That's more than Mr. Burns' whole mansion probably. They say it's 'cause of uh trade tensions and Moody's or something downgraded America. That sounds serious. Maybe I should buy some to protect my... Duff supply? If only I knew what any of that meant. D'oh!
GameStop Stock? More Like GameStop Stonk!
The article says GameStop's stock dipped a little after the news. Dipped! Like me into a vat of chocolate? Hehehe. But it's still up 8% this year! So uh good for them? I guess? Maybe they'll give me a discount on that 'Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge' game. I still can't get past the windmill.
Cash Pile? More Like Donut Pile!
They've got a $4.76 billion cash pile! That's enough to buy all the Krusty Burgers in Springfield! And maybe a few for Shelbyville too if they're lucky. This is the kinda money that could finally get me that Canyonero! Twelve yards long two lanes wide 65 tons of American pride!
Micro Strategy? More Like Macro Mistake!
Apparently GameStop is doing what some fancy company called MicroStrategy did. They bought a bunch of Bitcoins and now their stock is going crazy. I hope this doesn't end like that time I invested in pumpkin futures. 'Stupid sexy Flanders!' Always one step ahead...
Mmm... Reviving Struggling Businesses...
This whole Bitcoin thing is supposed to help GameStop 'cause they're a 'struggling brick and mortar business'. I don't know about that they always have the latest... uh... games? And those claw machines full of Simpsons keychains. This Ryan Cohen guy is trying to 'revive' them by cutting costs. Don't cut the donut budget buddy! Eat my shorts!
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piupad
I hope they use the Bitcoin to buy more games!
skesuol
Maybe I should buy some GameStop stock!
lods1211
D'oh! I should have invested in Bitcoin!
ALBESURE113
Mmm... Bitcoin flavored donuts...
totallytiffany
Stupid Flanders, always one step ahead!
kargl
This is the best news I've heard all day!