Mmm... Stock Sell Off!
Woohoo! So apparently these fancy pants foreign investors have been dumpin' U.S. stocks like I dump my plate after a donut eating contest. Goldman Sachs (those guys with the fancy buildings and even fancier ties) says they've sold off over $60 BILLION since March! That's like... a million donuts! Or maybe more. My brain starts to hurt around numbers bigger than ten. They say March was the worst with $41 billion gone followed by another $22 billion in April. European folks seem to be leading the charge which makes me wonder if they found out about our Duff beer supply and are jealous.
Panic? Don't Have a Cow Man!
But hold on folks! Goldman's Daniel Chavez (sounds like a nice fella maybe I can borrow his grill) says we shouldn't panic. He says this sell off ain't as bad as other times. It's like when I only eat *five* donuts instead of *ten*. Still bad but not 'end of the world' bad you know? He also says even when these foreign folks are sellin' the stock prices usually go up anyway. Go figure! It's like when I try to diet and gain weight. Doh!
Trade Wars? More Like Trade... Snore!
Apparently this whole thing might be because of President Trump's tariff announcement. Something about trade wars which sounds boring. I prefer real wars like the ones Bart starts. But Chavez thinks things are calm down because the trade talk is 'less hawkish.' I don't know what a hawkish is but it sounds like something I'd rather not eat. Anyway he thinks the sellin' will slow down.
US Exceptionalism? Sounds Like a Fancy Donut!
Chavez warns that all this market wiggling might make investors want to ditch the U.S. But he doesn't think it's gonna happen anytime soon. He says the U.S. is still awesome because our companies make lots of money. Plus the U.S. market is so big that it would take forever for everyone to sell off their stocks. It's like trying to eat all the donuts in Springfield... impossible!
Mmm... Superior Corporate Profitability
So basically according to this Chavez guy we don't gotta worry 'bout the sky fallin'. He says and I quote "Many of the pillars of 'US exceptionalism' remain in place including superior US corporate profitability and long term earnings growth." See? We're still the best! Now if you'll excuse me I have a date with a box of Lard Lad donuts.
Free Donuts... I Mean Financial Advice!
And get this! There's some fancy shindig at the New York Stock Exchange with CNBC folks talkin' 'bout the market and stuff. It's for 'CNBC Pro subscribers,' which sounds like a bunch of nerds but hey maybe they have free donuts! And booze! They say it's to 'gain an edge' in this crazy market. Sounds like a good way to spend a Thursday... as long as they don't run out of beer.
Goldman Sachs foreign investors US stocks market trading Donald Trump tariffs Federal Reserve CNBC Pro New York Stock Exchange
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debiwalstad
Doh! Sounds complicated. I'm going back to my beer.
nikkimclean
Woohoo! More money for donuts!
stancatilollie
Lisa says I should diversify. What's diversify?
generaldee
These stocks better not affect my beer money!
pjnjclyn
Is there free Duff at this New York Stock Exchange thing?
Bayo4real
I blame global warming!
elrossco
Mmm, donuts...