
Mmm Blockbuster!
Woohoo! Apple made a movie and it's a hit! 'F1' or whatever it made a gazillion dollars! That’s more than I make in like forever! It's all shiny and fast like a new car... or a donut delivery truck! This shows Apple knows how to make stuff like iPhones and... uh... that one song I like. They're really rolling in the dough unlike my sad savings account. Mmm dough...
Apple TV+: From Zero to Hero… Kinda
Remember when Apple TV+ had like two shows and nobody cared? Now they're all fancy with their Hollywood connections! It's like when Bart actually tries in school… surprising but good! 'F1' did good like real good so maybe they'll make more movies! Maybe even one about donuts! Ooh a donut superhero movie! That's 'Inflammable means flammable? What a country!' kind of great!
Shiny Marketing Shiny People
Brad Pitt! Woohoo! And that fast guy from the car races! Apple pulled out all the stops like when Marge tries to make me look presentable for church. They even sent coupons on phones! Coupons! I love those especially for… you guessed it… donuts! Smart move Apple. Very smart. 'Everything's coming up Milhouse!' except for...
D'oh! Siri's Still Dumb
Now here's the sad part. Apple's AI what they call 'Apple Intelligence' is as smart as Ralph Wiggum. I mean Siri still can't order me a pizza with extra sprinkles or tell me where the power plant's secret donut stash is! 'Me fail English? That's unpossible!' But me fail to get a working AI assistant? Sadly very possible.
ChatGPT? More Like Cheat GPT!
All these other companies have these fancy AI things that can like write poems and stuff. But Apple's Siri is still stuck on 'What's the weather?' It's like they're stuck in 2011! Maybe they should just buy some AI from those other guys like they are thinking about with Anthropic or OpenAI. I mean if you can't beat 'em join 'em... and then eat their donuts! Hahaha! 'Kids you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try.' But maybe Apple should try... at least a little.
Wall Street's Got the Itchy & Scratchy Blues
Those Wall Street guys are all worried Apple's not keeping up. They're all like 'Oh no the stock price!' But I say relax! Apple still makes phones and stuff! And now they make movies! As long as they don't forget about the donuts... I mean the customers... they'll be fine! But seriously Apple fix Siri! I need her to find me more donuts and not give me that 'I can't do that' garbage! 'Why do I have to wait until I'm dead to go to heaven?'
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