Screw You, OpenAI! Meta's New AI App is Gonna Make You Cry!

Respect My Authoritah You Guys!

Alright listen up you little dweebs! Eric Cartman here reporting live from my freakin' awesome desk. So Meta – yeah the Zuckerburg dude the one who looks like a robot pretending to be human – is launching its own AI app. Apparently it's gonna go head to head with ChatGPT. Good! That stupid ChatGPT always gives me the wrong answers when I ask it how to get Kyle's mom to leave town. Now maybe this Meta AI will finally get it right.

Llama Llama Red Pajama... of Doom!

This new AI doohickey runs on Meta's Llama AI model. Llama? Seriously? Who names their AI after a freakin' llama? Sounds like something Kyle would come up with. Anyway it's got a 'Discover feed' so you can see what all the other losers are doing with it. As if I care what Butters is doing with his AI. Probably just asking it how to make friends or something equally lame.

AI Arms Race? More Like AI Butthole Race!

Apparently this is an 'AI arms race.' Pfft more like an AI butthole race! Everyone's trying to have the biggest most impressive AI. There's ChatGPT Claude Grok (sounds like something you cough up) and Google's Gemini. Honestly they're all just trying to be cooler than me. Spoiler alert: ain't gonna happen!

Meta AI: The Assistant That Doesn't Know About Cheesy Poofs!

Meta's had an AI chatbot since last September. They say it can 'provide responses and create images.' Yeah yeah yeah. Can it find me the perfect Cheesy Poofs? Can it convince my mom to buy me a freakin' pony? I doubt it. Zuckerberg thinks this AI is gonna reach a billion people by 2025. Good for him. Maybe then he'll finally understand the importance of respecting my authoritah!

Competition? I Eat Competition for Breakfast!

So Google and Elon Musk's xAI already have their own stand alone AI apps. Of course they do! Everyone's trying to copy me! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but seriously get your own freakin' ideas you guys! I'm not just gonna stand here and let you steal my spotlight you know? I'm Eric Cartman and I'm gonna be rich and powerful. Soon everyone will know who I am. The world is mine for the taking!

Show Me the Money!

Investors are getting all excited about Meta's AI investments. They want to see some immediate results. Meta's planning to spend like $65 BILLION on AI this year. That's enough to buy a lifetime supply of Cheesy Poofs and still have enough left over for a kickass robot army. Now that's what I'm talking about!