Screw You Guys, I'm Tanking the Stock Market: Cartman's Take on Trump's Tariffs

Respect My Authoritah! Or Else!

Alright listen up you guys! It's Eric Cartman here and I'm gonna tell you about this STUPID stock market crap that's going down. Apparently President Douchebag—I mean Trump—is throwing a HUGE hissy fit about tariffs AGAIN. He sent out these letters all official and stuff saying he's gonna jack up the prices on everything and now the stock market is freaking out like Wendy Testaburger when she sees Stan puking on her.

BRICS? More Like BRICKS to the Face!

So this Trump dude right? He's threatening to slap tariffs on these BRICS countries. I don't even know what BRICS are but they sound stupid like something Butters would collect. Anyway because of this everyone's losing their minds thinking the world is gonna end. Honestly it's like dealing with a bunch of fourth grade drama queens. Get over it you guys!

Stagflation? Sounds Like Something Kyle Would Get!

Some fancy pants guy from JPMorgan Mislav Matejka is saying that the U.S. might face 'stagflation.' Sounds like some disease Kyle would get probably from touching something Jewish. Apparently it means prices are going up and the economy is slowing down. That means less money for me to buy Cheesy Poofs! Screw you Trump! Screw you guys I'm going home!

Frontloading Orders? More Like Backpedaling My Scooter!

Apparently everyone was buying stuff like crazy before the tariffs hit but now they're gonna stop because they're all broke. This Matejka guy says it's like a 'payback.' Yeah well I want MY payback! I want my Cheesy Poofs and I want them NOW! And if I don't get them I'm gonna call my mom and tell her everyone's being mean to me!

Screw the Index Where's My Money?

Some other dude from Citigroup Scott Chronert is saying that these tariffs won't affect everyone equally. Some companies will get screwed more than others. Honestly who cares? I just wanna know if my Kenny McCormick stock is gonna be worth anything. Oh wait Kenny always dies. Never mind!

Respect My Tariffs! Respect Them!

So basically Trump's being a Butters the stock market is freaking out and I'm not getting my Cheesy Poofs. This is all a bunch of bullcrap! I'm gonna start my own tariff a tariff on everyone being stupid. Yeah that'll show 'em! Now if you'll excuse me I have some serious planning to do. Remember respect my authoritah!