Eric Cartman - NewsRetold Latest News

Light
Dark

Showing 1 to 10 of 25 news articles

Rich Americans are fleeing the US dollar and perceived political instability by opening Swiss bank accounts, claiming diversification and a 'Plan B' as their main motivations. Respect my Authoritah! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Going to Switzerland! Wealthy Americans Bail on This Country!

Fri 18 April, 2025 13:00
2 minutes to read

Cartman breaks down the U.S.-China trade war, pointing out how it affects your Cheesy Poofs and how he, Eric Cartman, will profit, obviously. image

Screw You Guys, Im Getting Rich (Off This Trade War)!?

Thu 17 April, 2025 18:00
2 minutes to read

TSMC's Q1 profits skyrocket thanks to AI chip demand, despite Trump's tariff shenanigans. Looks like someone's getting a new Wii! image

Screw You Guys, I'm Making Bank Off AI Chips!

Thu 17 April, 2025 06:10
2 minutes to read

Heineken is whining about tariffs, which could mean less money for them and potentially, higher prices for ME! Cartman is not happy. image

Screw You Guys, I'm Not Buying Heineken Anymore! Tariff Troubles Hit My Favorite Beer!

Wed 16 April, 2025 15:20
2 minutes to read

Cartman reports on Japan's smackdown of Google's shady Android practices, proving even Asians are tired of getting the shaft! image

Screw You Guys I'm Suing Google!

Wed 16 April, 2025 03:11
2 minutes to read

Former National Security Advisor John Bolton slams Trump's tariff policies, claiming they're isolating allies and benefiting China. Respect my authoritah! image

Trump's Trade War IS A Disaster! John Bolton Says So!

Tue 15 April, 2025 13:48
3 minutes to read

That stupid Webull app is making more money than me? I'm gonna start my own freakin' stock trading app, and it's gonna be way better! image

Webull Goes to the Moon! Are You Freakin' Kidding Me?!

Mon 14 April, 2025 20:44
2 minutes to read

Cartman reports on the trembling US Treasury yields, tariff exemptions, and the possibility of foreign investors bailing on American bonds. Respect my authoritah! image

Screw You Guys I'm Dumping Bonds! Treasury Market in Total Chaos!

Mon 14 April, 2025 11:18
2 minutes to read

A Maryland man was mistakenly deported to El Salvador and is now stuck in a crazy prison, and the government is playing dumb. It's not cool, dudes! image

Dude! Trump Totally Screwed This Guy Over Big Time! Respect My Authoritah!

Sat 12 April, 2025 22:08
2 minutes to read

Despite economic fears and tariff uncertainties, technology stocks, including Nvidia, Amazon, Apple and others, experience a significant rebound, marking one of the wildest trading weeks in recent history. image

Screw You Guys, Im Rich! Tech Stocks Soar Like My Awesomeness!

Fri 11 April, 2025 18:05
2 minutes to read