Screw You Guys, I'm Cutting Medicaid and Getting Rich!

Trump's 'Big Beautiful' Screwjob

Oh my god you guys! President Trump that fatass finally signed his 'big beautiful' bill and it's gonna be AMAZING! For me anyway. It's got these MASSIVE cuts to Medicaid like over a trillion dollars! That means all those poor people who can't afford health insurance are gonna be SCREWED! Serves 'em right for being poor the dirty hippies! Butters would probably cry about it the little crybaby.

Pharma Companies: Eh We'll Survive

So apparently these Medicaid cuts might sting the pharmaceutical companies a little bit. But who cares about them? They’re already rolling in money! Leerink Partners (whatever that is) says these companies like Vertex and Gilead rely on Medicaid more than others. But they’ll be fine. They’ll just raise the prices for everyone else! It's all about the Benjamins baby! Respect my authoritah!

Vertex and Gilead: Blame Canada!

Okay so maybe Vertex and Gilead are a little more exposed because a big chunk of their U.S. revenue comes from Medicaid. Vertex makes those cystic fibrosis medicines (who even cares about sick people?) and Gilead does HIV stuff. But seriously they'll just find someone else to rip off. Maybe they can sell their drugs in Canada... oh wait they can't charge as much there. Bummer!

The Rich Get Richer: AI Startup Bonanza!

But wait there's more! While all the poor people are dying and these stupid pharma companies are whining something AMAZING is happening! AI startups are making BANK! They pulled in like a bajillion dollars in the first half of this year! That's what I'm talking about! Screw healthcare AI is the future! I'm gonna get me some of that AI money and finally buy my own freakin' theme park!

Megadeals and Mergers: Ka Ching!

And get this! There are megadeals happening all over the place! And companies are merging and buying each other like crazy! Hinge Health and Omada Health even went public! This is like the financial Super Bowl! Money money money! I'm gonna be rich I tell you! Richer than Kyle's mom!

So What Did We Learn You Guys?

Alright so here's the deal: Trump is screwing over poor people with these Medicaid cuts but don't worry the pharmaceutical companies will find a way to make even MORE money. And AI startups are swimming in cash! So basically the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. But who cares? As long as I get my Cheesy Poofs and my own freakin' theme park everything will be awesome! Now get out of my sight you guys! I've got money to make!