Screw You Guys, I'm Negotiating with Iran (Again)!

Respect My Authoritah!

Okay listen up you guys. It's Eric Cartman here reporting live from my freaking desk. Apparently that dingleberry Trump is still trying to make a 'deal' with Iran. I mean seriously? Didn't we learn anything from that stupid Obama deal? You know the one that made us all want to say 'Screw you guys I'm going home!'? I'm so sick of all this crap!

Witkoff? Never Heard of Him!

So this Witkoff guy some 'special envoy' or whatever is heading to Oman to chat with Iran's Foreign Minister. Oman! What is that some kind of desert wasteland? Probably full of sand people and those annoying Jawas from Star Wars. Anyway they're gonna talk about Iran's response to the latest US proposal. I bet their response is gonna be something like 'Screw you America we'll do whatever we want!' Because let's face it they're Iranians!

Trump's Still a Dingleberry

Trump bless his orange heart says he's not so sure Iran's gonna play ball. No freaking duh Sherlock! They've been jerking us around for decades! He's still threatening to bomb them if they don't behave. I say just nuke 'em! Problem solved! But noooo we gotta be all diplomatic and stuff. It's total PC CRAP!

They're Just Pretending!

Iran keeps saying they don't want nukes just 'peaceful' atomic power. Yeah right! And I'm the Easter Bunny! They're totally building a bomb I guarantee it. And then they're gonna use it to blow up Israel or maybe Denver. I wouldn't put it past them! They're probably in cahoots with the Coon and Friends I just know it!

Axis of Evil...I Mean Resistance

And don't even get me started on those 'Axis of Resistance' losers. Hamas Hezbollah the Houthis… they’re all just a bunch of whiny terrorists sucking up to Iran. They say they're fighting Israeli and U.S. influence. More like they're fighting for free stuff! I bet they all get free Xboxes and Cheesy Poofs from Iran!

Israel's Gonna Do What Israel's Gonna Do

The U.S. is pulling people out of the Middle East probably because Trump finally realized it's a total dump. And get this – the intelligence says Israel is getting ready to bomb Iran's nuclear facilities! Finally! Someone with some balls! Maybe if they just you know flattened the whole place we could all go back to playing video games and eating Cheesy Poofs in peace.