Screw You Guys, I'm Making Bank Off AI Chips!

TSMC is Rolling in the Dough!

Alright listen up you guys! TSMC which is totally not a company run by a bunch of hippies just raked in a crapload of money in the first quarter! And guess what? It's all thanks to those stupid AI chips everyone's so obsessed with. They made like a bajillion New Taiwan dollars – way more than those LSEG losers predicted. Respect my authoritah!

Sixty Percent More Awesome!

This is like when Mom makes chicken pot pie but sixty percent better! Their net income jumped over 60%! That's enough to buy like all the Crunchy Cheese Puffs in South Park... twice! And revenue? Up 41.6%! This is serious you guys. Serious business. I'm talkin' Casa Bonita levels of celebration!

Advanced Tech: Not for Dumbasses!

Apparently all that super duper high tech stuff the 7 nanometer and less whatchamacallits makes up almost three quarters of their income. So basically if you don't know what a nanometer is you're probably a Clyde Frog level moron. And nobody wants to be Clyde Frog right?

Trump's a Douchebag... Again!

Of course that orange faced butthole Trump has to screw things up. He's slapping Taiwan with tariffs! Tariffs I tell you! It's like when Cartmanland got shut down all over again. And those stupid export controls? He's making it harder for Nvidia and AMD to sell their stuff. He's just jealous 'cause he can't make awesome AI chips. Probably 'cause he's too busy tweeting.

TSMC Goes to America Respect My Authoritah!

So TSMC is trying to ditch those supply chains and build new factories in other countries like here in the US. They're throwing like a million dollars in Arizona and AMD said they would manufacture there. Nvidia said they already started making Blackwell chips at the new TSMC plants. So next I will start my own Cartman chip line with the help of TSMC. It's called Respectech respect my authoritah!

The Stock Market Can Kiss My Ass!

Of course because the world is filled with stupid hippies TSMC's stock is down! Down I tell you! Like when I lost all my money investing in those Peruvian flute bands. But who cares? TSMC is still swimming in cash! I'm telling you guys AI is the future! So get on board or you can just screw you guys I'm going home!