Screw You Guys, I'm Going Back to February! S&P 500 Does a Time Warp!

Respect My Authoritah! It's Like February But Worse

Okay you guys this is serious. I'm looking at the S&P 500 and it's totally trying to be February again. Before Trump's stupid tariffs before some dumb war with Iran it's all 'member berries and nostalgia. It's like when Kenny comes back to life only nobody wants this. February was lame! I was trying to get Token to give me his allowance back then too!

Nvidia's Makin' Bank (But Where's Mine?)

So Nvidia that stupid company making computer stuff is back on top. Apparently their stocks are higher than Kyle's mom's standards. It's all about artificial intelligence which is probably how Butters is gonna take over the world one day. Meanwhile I'm stuck trying to sell my old Beanie Babies for crypto and it's NOT FAIR!

Trump's Still Being a Douchebag

That orange faced turd Trump is threatening Spain now? What's next he's gonna deport all the Mexicans from Taco Bell? He says he'll make Spain pay "twice as much" because they won't give NATO all their money. It's like when I tried to get my mom to buy me a PSP only the stakes are higher. Seriously screw you guys I'm going home!

Iran and Israel are Still Fighting (Duh!)

These two are still at it. They have a stupid ceasefire that almost broke like my patience when Kyle tries to lecture me about friendship. And now there's going to be talks with the U.S.? Great. Just what we need more meetings where nobody listens to me. You will respect my authoritah!

Tech Stocks are High Just Like Randy Marsh

The stupid tech stocks are doing great but the European stocks are down. Who cares about Europe anyway? Except for maybe Heidi but she's totally not my girlfriend anymore. Tesla's sales are tanking because everyone's buying Chinese EVs. I bet Elon Musk is crying into his Dogecoin right now. Good!

The British Pound? More Like British POUNDED!

The British pound is doing better but nobody knows why. Apparently it's 'cause the dollar sucks not because England is awesome. Experts are fighting about it just like me and Kyle over who gets the last Cheesy Poof. It's all just more proof that the world is trying to screw me over you guys!