Screw You Guys, I'm Getting My Own AI! Apple Considers Outsourcing Siri to Those Stupid Companies!

What What What?! Apple's Being All Retarded Again

Okay so listen up you guys. I just heard the most ridiculous thing. Apparently Apple that stupid company with the overpriced iPhones is thinking about using AI from frickin' ANTHROPIC or OPENAI for Siri! Can you believe this?! They can't even make their OWN AI? What are they Canadian or something?

Respect My Authoritah! And My Code!

They're talking to those companies about training their stupid Large Language Models (LLMs) to run on Apple's cloud. Seriously? Why can't they just build their own? This is just like when Mom makes me share my toys. It's NOT FAIR! I should have all the AI! It's MINE!

Blame Canada! Blame Tim Cook!

Of course Apple's all like "Oh it's just an early investigation." Yeah right. They're probably just realizing how totally lame their in house AI is. No wonder they delayed the Siri improvements until 2026! It's probably dumber than Butters. And that's saying something you guys.

Kick the Baby! Fire the Head!

Apparently they even shook up their executive ranks! Tim Cook probably lost confidence in that John Giannandrea guy. Serves him right! If you can't make good AI you don't deserve to be in charge. Maybe I should run Apple. I'd make them build a giant robot that crushes anyone who uses Android. That would be AWESOME!

Incremental Developments? More Like Incremental Stupidity!

At their stupid Worldwide Developers Conference they were all excited about "incremental developments" like live translations. Who cares about live translations?! I want an AI that can write all my essays for me and beat up Kyle! That's what I call innovation! All you have to do is believe in yourself try hard and dream big!

Screw You Guys I'm Going Home... and Building My Own AI!

So yeah Apple's probably gonna end up using someone else's AI because they suck. But you know what? I'm not gonna let that get me down. I'm gonna build my OWN AI and it's gonna be way better than anything Apple or those other losers come up with. It's gonna be the best AI EVER! Respect my authoritah!