Screw You Guys, I'm Gaming the Tariffs!

Respect My Authoritah... Over Tariffs!

Oh my god you guys! You won't BELIEVE what's happening. Apparently these companies are getting away with all sorts of crap by changing their products just enough to avoid paying those stupid tariffs. It's called 'tariff engineering,' and it's totally not fair... unless I'm the one doing it of course! Then it's awesome! Seriously it's like when I tricked Wendy into thinking I was cool by pretending to care about whales. These companies are just as smart as me!

Sweet! Even More Ways to Stick It to the Man (and Pay Less Taxes)

So basically these companies are changing the materials their stuff is made from or even just making them a little bit different so they can get away with paying less to the government. It's like when I pretended to be Token so I could get free stuff. Except this is on a much grander scale. And I'm not getting any of the benefits! This is so lame! I need my own tariff engineering plan STAT!

Kick Ass and Circumvent Tariffs!

This Forgue guy from some lame Chicago law firm said that after Trump put tariffs on steel and aluminum companies started adding that crap to their products so they could pay a lower rate. But then Trump changed it AGAIN so now they're taking it out. It's like a big dumb game of cat and mouse except the cat is a retarded orange faced buffoon and the mouse is... well still a mouse. But a clever one!

Screw You Guys I'm an Economic Genius!

This lawyer dude Foote says it's not illegal to change your stuff to get a lower tariff. He even said it's one of the few things you can do to reduce your liability. Liability? What is this a freaking court case? All I know is if it's legal and it saves money then it's totally awesome! As long as I'm the one doing it of course. God I'm so smart!

Respect My Cubic Zirconia!

Get this! Some company was avoiding a 14% tariff on lapel pins by adding cubic zirconia to them. They didn't fall under 'festive article category' anymore but got classified as jewelry. Seriously you guys people are SO stupid they can be easily tricked. I wish I had thought of this myself! I'd be swimming in money and Heidi Turner would be my slave! ...Okay maybe not Heidi. But someone!

I'm Not Fat I'm Just... Tariff Engineered!

So the moral of the story is companies are being sneaky and clever to avoid paying tariffs. And apparently it's been going on since way back in the day. Even Columbia Sportswear has a whole team dedicated to this crap! Seriously you guys if they can do it then I can too! I just need to figure out how to tariff engineer my fat ass into a smaller tax bracket. Now THAT would be respect my authoritah!