Rrrrrrrright! OpenAI's $200 Million Defense Deal: Prepare for Laser Sharks!

Two Hundred Million Dollars! (Evil Laughter Echoes)

Gentlemen and Number Two I have just received word of a most *excellent* development! OpenAI those purveyors of artificial intelligence have secured a $200 million contract with the U.S. Defense Department. Two hundred million! That's like... a lot of Schrute Bucks! This of course means only one thing: They're finally ready to use AI for... evil! Or as they call it 'national security'. Tomato tomahto.

Frontier AI: More Like Laser AI Rrrrrright?

Apparently they're going to develop 'prototype frontier AI capabilities'. Frontier AI! Sounds boring. I much prefer Laser AI! Imagine the possibilities! Laser sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Or perhaps a giant robot that can hold the world ransom for... ONE MILLION DOLLARS! No wait make that ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS!

Anduril: A Worthy Henchman Perhaps?

OpenAI is even collaborating with some upstart called Anduril. Sounds like a medication actually. But fear not! Anduril received a $100 million defense contract in December. Perhaps they can assist me in building my moon base. Although I still haven't figured out the ventilation system. Damn you science!

Sam Altman: Is He One of Us?

Sam Altman the head honcho at OpenAI said they're 'proud to engage in national security areas'. Proud I say! Excellent! Maybe he's secretly a villain in disguise. We'll have to keep a close eye on him. I'll send Mini Me to infiltrate their headquarters. He can pass as a very very small executive.

OpenAI for Government: Finally Efficiency in Evil!

They're even launching 'OpenAI for Government'. This will give the U.S. government access to custom AI models. They claim it's to 'improve health care' and 'streamline program data'. But we all know the *real* purpose: to create the ultimate weapon! Or at the very least to automate the process of filling out those pesky government forms.

Stargate Project: Soon the World Will Be Mine!

And to think OpenAI is working to build more computing power! Altman was even seen with President Donald Trump announcing the $500 billion Stargate project. It's all coming together people! Soon the world will tremble before my… fuzzy Persian cat! And my giant laser pointer!