A Texas summer camp is hit by devastating floods, leaving dozens dead and missing, and Doctor Evil is, naturally, not entirely unsympathetic but mostly self-absorbed.
A Texas summer camp is hit by devastating floods, leaving dozens dead and missing, and Doctor Evil is, naturally, not entirely unsympathetic but mostly self-absorbed.

One Million Dollars...er Make That One Billion?

Mwahahaha! So Texas got hit by a flood. Fifty one people are dead including fifteen CHILDREN. And 27 girls from a summer camp are still missing. Tragic? Yes. Does it put a damper on my plans for world domination? Possibly. See when I conquer the world I don't want it all soggy. Although a moat around my volcano lair might be kinda cool...I mean come on. I was going to hold the world ransom for ONE MILLION DOLLARS! But now...inflation you know. I'm thinking more like ONE BILLION DOLLARS!

Camp Mystic? More Like Camp Misery!

This 'Camp Mystic' sounds like a real buzzkill. Apparently the Guadalupe River decided to throw a raging party and these poor kids weren't on the guest list. Rising 26 feet in 45 minutes? That's faster than Number Two can count all his fingers and toes! And people are asking if there were enough warnings? Honestly people. How many warnings do you need when a river starts acting like Niagara Falls? But still this Christian camp and the water rising super quickly sounds like dare I say it a potential evil plan in the works! Except obviously by me.

Helicopters Drones and My Disappointment

They're using helicopters and drones to search for survivors. Helicopters! I wanted helicopters with lasers but all I got were those dinky little ones with the annoying whirly sound. And drones? I tried to weaponize a drone once. Turns out cats are really good at taking them down. So I am glad they are putting some cool tech to use too bad it wasn't for evil!

Once in a Century Flood? Pssh Amateur Hour!

A 'once in a century' flood? Please. I've caused more chaos before breakfast! But hey I'm not heartless (entirely). Governor Abbott wants everyone to pray. Fine pray. But also maybe build some bigger dams people! A giant laser pointed at the sky to control the weather? Now you are thinking like me. But also if they had a system like that I could take it over for my plan!

Blame Game: Who's the REAL Evil Genius?

Of course everyone's pointing fingers. 'Did they get enough warning?' 'Were they prepared?' Honestly the real question is: Why wasn't *I* warned about this? I need to know when the world is going to flood so I can move my shark tank to higher ground! I mean who do you think I am Goldmember?!

Texas Disaster Relief: Time for Me to Strike?

So Texas is a mess. People are scared and the government is scrambling. Sounds like the perfect opportunity for...a heavily discounted line of Dr. Evil branded inflatable rafts! Each raft comes equipped with a tiny yet menacing laser pointer perfect for distracting sharks. Remember the world is in danger and I am the only one who can save it. But more importantly I need those sweet sweet Texas donation dollars! Mwahahaha!


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