EU Trade Deal on the Brink! One Trillion Dollars at Stake! Muhahaha!

One Trillion Dollars! Bwahahaha!

So the Yanks and those Euro weenies are at it again eh? A trade deal hanging by a thread with a cool $1.98 TRILLION (that's with a 'T' people!) at stake. A measly 50 billion euro surplus for the EU? Please! I spend more than that on sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! I'm talking about a global recession. This is where I step in and buy it all at rock bottom prices! Mwahahaha!

Trump's Reciprocal Tariff Tantrums!

Trump! Oh that guy. Always complaining about unfair trade. Thinks everyone is taking advantage of the U.S. Well duh! That's what global politics IS you moron! It's like Operation Infinite Wallets! You want to be on top you gotta play dirty. Reciprocal tariffs? It's so simple even Number Two could understand it... well maybe not.

Slow Moving Negotiations? More Like Molasses!

These negotiations are slower than Austin Powers trying to escape a shag carpet! Von der Leyen wants an "agreement in principle"? That's just code for "we're screwed." They've got 90 days but who am I kidding I couldn't even make a trade agreement with Scott Evil in 90 days! And that's saying something he's an idiot!

All the Instruments Are on the Table! Oh Really?!

Von der Leyen says "all the instruments are on the table." Instruments? Is she gonna play a sad trombone solo when the deal collapses? She needs more than instruments. What about a doomsday device? Some genetically engineered super soldiers? What are they even going to do? A Strongly worded letter? Maybe I'll send them my laser...

A Bare Bones Political Deal?! Groovy Baby!

A "bare bones political deal?" says the experts. That's the best they can hope for? What about the sharks with the lasers people? I want a complete domination! I can already see it my evil empire and it's powered by EU US trade failures. Imagine the possibilities: blackmail extortion and maybe a puppy!

Uncertainty Remains? Excellent!

Uncertainty? Instability? Chaos? That's music to my ears! It's like free candy for evil geniuses! The more unstable the world the easier it is for me to take over. These guys are fools! They're playing checkers while I'm playing 4D chess with sharks and lasers. I'm going to use this global trade disruption to achieve total world domination. I'm eviler than ever before! Muhahahaha!