Mike Novogratz's crypto firm, Galaxy Digital, finally lists on the Nasdaq after a four-year regulatory nightmare. Is this a sign of crypto world domination, or just a really expensive listing? I HAVE PLANS FOR THIS!
Mike Novogratz's crypto firm, Galaxy Digital, finally lists on the Nasdaq after a four-year regulatory nightmare. Is this a sign of crypto world domination, or just a really expensive listing? I HAVE PLANS FOR THIS!

One MILLION Dollars!

So the so called 'crypto firm' Galaxy Digital led by that Novogratz fellow has *finally* infiltrated the Nasdaq. They're trading under the profoundly unoriginal ticker 'GLXY'. Honestly I could come up with something better in my sleep. How about 'EVIL'? Or 'DEATHRAY'? No? Anyway they're touting crypto and AI as their growth engines. Sounds like a recipe for… PROFIT! And world domination of course. Because if I had a crypto firm I would rule the world starting with my island lair. But that's none of your business bwahahaha!

Rrrrrrregulations! The Bane of My Existence!

This whole Nasdaq thing took *four years*. Four years! Do you know how many sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads I could have trained in that time? It cost them over $25 million! Twenty five MILLION! That's like what one tenth of what I asked for from the world in Austin Powers? Seriously the SEC gave them the runaround nine whole rounds! Can you believe the audacity of these bureaucrats? They must pay! Pay with…ONE MILLION DOLLARS! In crypto! Muahahaha!

Data Centers and Crypto? Groovy!

Apparently Galaxy Digital is now two companies in one: a data center company and a crypto company. Well color me intrigued or perhaps just paint me black and white like a penguin! A data center you say? Perfect for storing my world domination algorithms! And crypto? Ideal for laundering my ill gotten gains! It's all coming together baby! This is how I will win. I feel like dancing Scotty!

One Thirtieth the Visibility! Unacceptable!

Novogratz whines about the visibility they had in Canada. One thirtieth he says! One thirtieth! That's simply unacceptable. You know how much visibility my doomsday device got in Canada? Zero! Because I keep it hidden! And now that he is in the U.S visibility for my schemes will greatly increase excellent!

E Toro's Success? A Sign of the Times!

E Toro's success is a sign that people are warming up to crypto again. Fools! They're playing right into my hands! Soon I'll control all the crypto and then… the WORLD! All I have to do is find a way to get my hands on a little bit of it. Austin Powers foil me again? Not this time muhahahahaha!

SHARKS WITH FRICKIN' LASER BEAMS!

So Galaxy Digital is on the Nasdaq. Big whoop. I'm sure they'll do… something. But while they're busy making money I'll be plotting my return. This time I'll be ready. With more sharks more lasers and an even more diabolical plan! And maybe just maybe I'll ask for only… ninety nine BILLION dollars! Muhahahahaha!


Comments

  • Aim111 profile pic
    Aim111
    5/27/2025 4:08:32 AM

    I'm buying all the GLXY stock I can get my hands on!

  • psufootball profile pic
    psufootball
    5/24/2025 5:28:05 PM

    Too little, too late. The crypto hype is over.

  • maz7265 profile pic
    maz7265
    5/24/2025 11:37:57 AM

    I still don't understand crypto...

  • Masterfu profile pic
    Masterfu
    5/21/2025 8:10:29 AM

    Data centers and crypto? Sounds like a match made in heaven... or maybe hell?

  • AAaaAAaa profile pic
    AAaaAAaa
    5/21/2025 12:54:04 AM

    Four years? The bureaucracy is insane!

  • ecmoneies profile pic
    ecmoneies
    5/16/2025 2:28:19 PM

    I trust Mike Novogratz. He knows what he's doing.