One Million Dollars: Tariffs, Stagflation, and the Looming Economic Doom! Mwahahaha!

Jerome Powell and the Price of Evil (Tariffs)

So Jerome Powell that…*gestures vaguely*…man at the Federal Reserve held a press conference. And guess what? He's worried about my favorite thing: RAISING PRICES! He says tariffs are going to cause inflation. "Everyone that I know is forecasting a meaningful increase in inflation," he whined. Of course they are! Who do you think is pulling the strings here? *adjusts pinky ring* It's all part of my plan! One million dollars! Or…maybe more now with inflation. Let's say…one *billion* dollars!

The Economy: Living on Borrowed Time (and Money)

Apparently some people think the U.S. economy is doing just fine. They added 139,000 jobs! Consumer sentiment is up! But mark my words this is a trap! It's like that time Austin Powers thought he had me cornered only to discover I had a secret volcano lair! These 'positive' numbers are just delaying the inevitable. The tariffs are working their way through the system like a slow acting poison. Soon everyone will feel the sting of my economic genius! Mwahahaha!

Stagflation: The New Buzzword (and My New Theme Song)

Powell admits growth will slow 'eventually.' 'Eventually'? That's my line! I've been saying 'eventually' for decades! And when growth slows and prices rise we'll have…stagflation! A truly toxic mix! It's the economic equivalent of sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Someone even made a reference to a viral song and stagflation pathetic! I should compose an evil song about stagflation. It'll be number one on the evil charts!

Interest Rates: Stuck in Neutral (Just Like Austin's Mojo)

The Fed held interest rates steady. A pathetic 4.25% 4.5%. Too low! I need those rates soaring! President Trump bless his…*ahem*…heart thinks they should be lower. He even called Powell 'stupid.' You know even *I* have moments where I think that Trump fellow is making a solid point. He is right on the money here. But does he have a cat that he loves? Probably not right? My Persian kitty Mr. Bigglesworth likes the rates high! It makes his kibble taste richer!

Inflation: Going Up Up Up (Just Like My Evil Empire)

Inflation is going to rise beyond 3% in 2025! That's what the Fed predicts. And they lowered their growth forecast! See? Stagflation! It's happening! It's all coming together! Soon the world will be begging me to take over and fix everything. And I'll say…'Alright I'll do it. But you have to pay me one hundred *billion* dollars! And I want sharks with lasers on their heads patrolling the White House!'

Trade Wars and Sticking Points (The Perfect Distraction)

The U.S. and the EU are squabbling over trade tariffs. They can't agree on anything! This is perfect! While they're busy arguing I'll be building my secret moon base! They're bickering over a measly 50% tariff. 50%! I laugh at 50%! I demand a 1000% tariff! On everything! Starting with Austin Powers merchandise! Nobody needs that swinger baby!