Israel and Iran Face Off: A Very Evil Escalation of World Domination... I Mean, Peace!

One Million Dollars!

Mwahahaha! It is I Doctor Evil reporting on the latest developments in the Middle East. It seems those pesky Israelis and Iranians are at it again. Israel in a pre emptive strike eliminated several Iranian military leaders and targeted nuclear enrichment facilities. Apparently they thought Iran was getting a little too close to... *puts pinky to mouth* ...ONE MILLION DOLLARS! No wait. Wrong script. Nuclear weapons that's it. And a big threat to my Evil Empire plan! It's not nice to fool with Doctor Evil!

Drones! Drones Everywhere!

In retaliation Iran launched over 100 drones towards Israeli territory. Drones! Why didn't *I* think of that? Much cheaper than my laser beam! Jordan bless their cotton socks even intercepted some of these flying pests. Oh and did I mention that Donald Trump chimed in urging Iran to 'Just do it' and reach a deal? He's got a point really. Just get along! So I can take over the world without all this unnecessary warfare. This whole situation is just making me agitated! And when I get agitated people DIE!

Oil Prices: Shiver Me Timbers!

Naturally all this saber rattling has sent oil prices soaring! As much as 13%! I should have invested in oil! Foiled again! My plans for world domination are always being thwarted by these insignificant details. Though on the bright side the market turmoil is almost as beautiful as a well executed volcano lair!

Netanyahu's Boast: 'Very Successful!'

Benjamin Netanyahu is strutting around claiming the strikes were 'very successful.' He says they struck senior commanders scientists and nuclear installations. He even warned Israelis to prepare for longer periods in shelters. Honestly does he have to be so dramatic? He's making it harder for me to be the most dramatic supervillain in the world!

The Blame Game Begins: America in the Crosshairs!

Iran is pointing fingers at the United States blaming them for Israel's actions. The U.S. State Department of course is denying any involvement. Classic! Meanwhile Trump is having a National Security Council meeting. Probably discussing how to get out of this mess and back to golfing. Honestly these politicians are so predictable. It's almost... evil.

Nuclear Talks: Off the Table Baby!

And just when you thought things couldn't get worse the U.S. Iran nuclear deal negotiations are off. Cancelled! Poof! Up in smoke! Now *that's* what I call a disaster! And I love it! Mwahahaha! Ayatollah Ali Khamenei is vowing a 'severe punishment' for Israel. It's all going to kick off baby! Maybe I should invest in some fallout shelters. Or better yet a giant laser!