Rrrraaaaiiissing Tariffs! Vietnam Trade Deal? Excellent!

One Million Dollars... err 20% Tariff!

So Donald Trump eh? Seems he's struck a deal with Vietnam. A *trade* deal! Oh be have! He's slapping a 20% tariff on Vietnamese imports. Now normally I'd be all for world domination through lasers and sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads but tariffs? They have their uses I suppose. It's all part of my plan to destabilize the global economy and then swoop in with my superior brand of uh 'benevolent' dictatorship. Yes that's it!

Total Access Baby! Yeah!

He claims this deal gives the U.S. “TOTAL ACCESS” to Vietnam's markets. Oh Austin Powers would be thrilled! But let's not get bogged down with details. The point is this is all part of my master plan to subtly influence global affairs. See with this deal Trump's trying to stop sneaky 'transshipping' – goods going through Vietnam to avoid tariffs. Crafty very crafty. I admire the chutzpah! Almost as much as I admire my Mini Me.

Vietnam Will Pay... Or Will They?

Now Trump says “Vietnam will pay” that 20% duty. That's a bit misleading isn't it? Importers actually pay those taxes. It's all semantics really. As long as someone's paying and as long as it causes enough chaos to distract the world from my evil schemes I'm happy! It's like catnip for Dr. Evil. This deal seems to have sent the S & P 500 into a slight upswing. Hmm that wasn't part of my plan. Maybe I need to short the market. Nigel Powers is always right on that!

General Secretary To Lam: A Worthy Adversary... or Minion?

Trump mentions dealing with General Secretary To Lam personally. “An absolute pleasure,” he says. Ha! Politicians. Always so… predictable. I would’ve asked him if he wanted to buy a timeshare on the moon. I bet it's lovely and quiet on the dark side of the moon at this time of year. But seriously how long until the deal takes effect? Or if it’s even signed? The details are always so… annoying. Like waiting for Austin Powers to get his mojo back!

90 Day Pause? More Like a 90 Day Fiesta for Evil!

There was this 90 day pause on tariffs which lowered everything to 10%. Now it's expiring and Trump's got a few deals cooking. China and the UK apparently. But Vietnam's especially vulnerable. 30% of their GDP? That's... significant. And now the critics are whining. Saying tariffs cause “economic uncertainty.” Pfft like I care! Uncertainty is *my* middle name! Well it would be if I had a middle name. I'll have to add that to the list of things I'm working on right after I secure that loan for the laser.

Inflation? I Blame Scott!

Ah inflation! Blame it on the tariffs they say. They are probably right but I blame my no good son Scott. Apparently that men's sweater could go up in price by 35%! The horror! Fed Chairman Jerome Powell thinks tariffs will show up in the summer. Meanwhile companies are hoarding goods like they're preparing for the apocalypse. Which incidentally they *are*! Because of *me*! Mwahahaha!