One Million Dollars!
So the so called 'Oracle of Omaha,' Warren Buffett and his Berkshire Hathaway are doing better than the S&P 500? During a trade war launched by that... Trump fellow? I find this mildly irritating! Why wasn't it *me* who predicted this? Perhaps I should have invested in... *checks notes*... Geico insurance. Who knew saving 15% or more on car insurance could be so profitable? Blast!
The Market's Gone Austin Powers On Us!
Apparently the market did a Austin Powers on us the S&P 500 tanking faster than a Mini Cooper against a steamroller! And the Dow Jones? Don't get me started! Back to back losses of over 1,500 points! It's practically the financial equivalent of being frozen in carbonite... or perhaps dipped in molten chocolate. Mmm chocolate.
Cash Is King... Or Should I Say Evil?
Berkshire Hathaway sitting on a mountain of $334 billion in cash! That's almost enough to fund *my* evil schemes! No wait I need more than 334 billion...I need *one million dollars*. They say investors are flocking to Berkshire because it's a 'safe haven.' Bah! Safe havens are for the *weak*! I Dr. Evil prefer my money to be invested in slightly less safe ventures... like sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!
Trump Buffett and Social Media Mayhem?!
Even Warren Buffett is denying things he supposedly said on social media. Truth Social is a pain its worse than dealing with Scott! That buffoon Trump shared a video claiming Buffett was endorsing his market tanking shenanigans! As if Buffett would endorse *anyone* deliberately tanking the market unless of course it was part of a carefully calculated evil plan for *my* benefit! Minions get me my Think Tank!
The Buffett Paradox
So this Buffett guy is outperforming the market swimming in cash and distancing himself from political drama? It's practically an evil genius masterclass! Although let's be honest my plans are much more exciting. Remember my plan to steal the Earth's magma? Now *that's* market disruption!
What Would Dr. Evil Do?
The question isn't whether Berkshire Hathaway is a safe haven but how can *I* exploit this situation for *my* own nefarious purposes? Perhaps I'll buy a controlling share of Geico and offer insurance exclusively to henchmen and femme fatales? Or maybe I'll corner the market on BNSF Railway and demand one million dollars for every train car carrying goods? The possibilities are endless! Mwahahaha!
Warren Buffett Berkshire Hathaway Donald Trump trade war stock market S&P 500 cash Geico BRK.B investment strategy
Comments
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psichick13
Is it me, or does Buffett look like he could be Dr. Evil's long-lost brother?
tfhadley
So, the lesson here is: hoard cash and ignore Trump's tweets?
tita615
Dr. Evil for Secretary of the Treasury!
prelude321
Can someone explain the 200-day moving average in terms I can understand? Like, is it good or evil?
test1111
I'm shorting Trump's Truth Social stock. Who's with me?
lighter50
Someone needs to check Buffett's lair for sharks with laser beams!
Hongtien
This article made my day! Austin Powers is needed in the White House!
MArnoldNYC
I always knew that Warren Buffett was a supervillain in disguise!
shutout5591
This article is pure evil genius!
LandCmom
I bet Mini-Me is already investing in Berkshire.