AWS Growth Stalls: Is This The End of the World... For Amazon, Muahahaha!

One Million Dollars! (Less Than Expected)

So Amazon's cloud thingy AWS didn't quite hit the mark this quarter. A measly 17% growth? That's like what only billions of dollars? Pathetic! Analysts were expecting $29.42 billion but they only raked in $29.27 billion. That’s like almost… ONE MILLION DOLLARS LESS! Bwahahaha! This is worse than the time I asked for sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads and got sea bass...without lasers.

Microsoft and Google Are Being Naughty!

While Amazon is busy fiddling with their thumbs (or Bezos is off buying another rocket ship) Microsoft and Google are closing in. Microsoft's Azure cloud is growing like Austin Powers' mojo and Google is... well they're trying bless their little hearts. Number Three. It's like I always say if you're not first you're last! Unless you're me Dr. Evil then you're timeless.

Tariffs? Are These Mini Me Sized Taxes?

Apparently some orange faced buffoon named Donald Trump decided to slap tariffs on everything. Automakers and retailers are crying like babies (Mini Me is more intimidating) preparing for higher costs and lower demand. Honestly tariffs? That's small potatoes! I'm trying to hold the world ransom with a giant freakin' laser!

Fat Profit Margins are Still Fat

Okay okay even I have to admit $11.55 billion in operating income is nothing to sneeze at. And a 39.5% operating margin? That's wider than my evil grin after successfully trapping Austin Powers! Still it is only a drop in the bucket to what I can get from holding the world ransom! And is it enough for them to buy my silence about their indiscretions!?

Video Games and Robot Servants!?

So AWS is launching a streaming video game service and building an 'agentic artificial intelligence group.' Are they trying to steal my thunder? Am I just supposed to sit here with Mr. Bigglesworth while they build their own robotic army? Not if I have anything to say about it! I am in the process of turning Mini Me into a robot!

AI Chips Galore But Not Enough!

Amazon is throwing money at AI chips like they're going out of style investing in data centers full of fancy processors from Anthropic and Nvidia. But even their CEO Andy Jassy (who?) admits they need more capacity! HA! See even these tech giants are struggling to keep up with my EVIL GENIUS. Now if you'll excuse me I have a world to dominate! Muahahaha!