Jagshemash My Fellow Americans and Ukrainians!
Chenqui! I am Borat Sagdiyev and I bring you the latest news from the world – a news so exciting it makes me want to wrestle a bear! This time it involves my friends in Ukraine and your glorious leader the man with hair like spun gold Donald Trump! Apparently they're making deal about rocks... shiny valuable rocks!
Ukraine Has Many Rocks! Like Pamela Anderson!
My sources in Ukraine tell me that they have signed a 'memorandum of intent' with the United States. This is like saying 'I want to marry Pamela Anderson' but without the actual wedding yet. Yulia Svyrydenko a very important woman in Ukraine says it will allow them to 'jointly develop' their natural resources. I hope this doesn't mean they will have to share their women with Americans that is very bad!
Trump Says 'Very Nice!'
Your President Trump a man who knows a good deal when he sees one said they have a 'minerals deal'. He sounds like he is very happy. He is hoping Ukraine will 'live up to the deal'. Maybe he wants more potassium! He likes to say 'very nice' to everything!
Bessent Reveals the Secret Plan!
The United States Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent another man with an important job says they are still working on the details shooting for around April 26th. Sounds like a romantic date! It is an 80 page agreement. That is longer than my sister's armpit hair! Ha ha! Very funny yes?
Why U.S. Wants Ukraine's Shiny Rocks?
Trump who is a smart man like me said he wants this deal because it will 'compensate' the U.S. for all the money they give to Ukraine to fight Russia. So basically they are saying 'Give us your rocks and we will protect you from the bear!' Very clever!
Zelenskyy Agrees! But Very Cautious!
Even Zelenskyy a comedian turned President said this is a 'memorandum of intent' and they have 'positive constructive intentions.' But he sounds like he is saying 'I hope this doesn't end up like my last marriage!' He says the U.S. wanted to sign this paper first before the real deal. This is like when you show woman picture of your donkey before she sees the real thing. I am excite to see what happens! High five!
Ukraine United States minerals deal natural resources Trump Zelenskyy Svyrydenko Bessent economic partnership investment fund
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aboutcher
I like tracktor!
BishopHaynes
This article is great success!
lilacs54
Long live Kazakhstan!
crgrayson3
Wawaweewa! This is very interesting!
snakebite20
Pamela Anderson is very beautiful!
jamessommer
Is nice!
GoZharz
Chenqui!
smokeys
Why can't I get no potassium?
lods1211
Death to the enemies of Kazakhstan!