Great Success! Investing Like a Wall Street Sheik!
Jagshemash! Borat here reporting live from my computer screen – is very shiny! The American markets they are like wild donkey going up and down! Very stressful! But fear not my friends because the smart peoples on Wall Street – they are not from Uzbekistan of course – say there are stocks that pay you money just for holding them! Is like magic! They call them 'dividends.' Like winning the lottery but less chance of wife running off with gypsy!
Energy Transfer: The Pipeline to Prosperity!
First up is Energy Transfer (ET). This company it has many many kilometers of pipelines like veins on a very large hairy man! They move energy like gas and oil across America. And they pay you to let them use your money! Analyst lady Elvira Scotto from RBC Capital – she is very smart number 24 out of 9,400 analysts! – she likes this stock very much. She says the stock price is like girlfriend who is sad for no reason but will be happy soon! She says it pays good dividend and they might even build data centers! More data is good is like more potatoes for winter!
Williams Companies: Gas Gas Gas! And Money!
Next we have The Williams Companies (WMB). This company is also in the energy business but more focused on gas. Not the kind that comes out of your bum but the kind you burn in your stove! Elvira Scotto the smart lady analyst also likes this one! She says that because everyone wants gas for their computers – because of artificial intelligence which is very smart donkey – the price of this stock will go up! They give you a dividend which means more money for yak butter and a new tracksuit!
Diamondback Energy: Drilling for Dollars!
Finally we have Diamondback Energy (FANG). This company digs in the ground for oil and gas in Texas like looking for gold in grandma's teeth! Analyst man Arun Jayaram from JPMorgan – not as high ranked as Elvira Scotto but still knows things – likes this stock. He says they are good at making money and will give some of it to you! He expect this company will give back dollars to shareholders. Very nice!
Is This a Good Investment? Very Nice!
So my friends these stocks – Energy Transfer Williams Companies and Diamondback Energy – they pay you money! Is good! But remember Borat is not financial advisor! I am reporter! Do your own research or ask the village idiot – sometimes he is surprisingly wise! But I think for me this is very nice! I must go now I have to wrestle bear for next story! Chenqui!
Wa Wa Wee Waa! Financial Success Awaits!
So there you have it! According to the fancy pants on Wall Street these stocks are like Pamela Anderson: they are beautiful they pay you and they are likely to bring great success! But remember life is like a box of chocolates: sometimes you get a poo poo!
dividend stocks energy transfer williams companies diamondback energy investment wall street analysts tipranks recession cash flow
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bobbyboy101
Is this better than investing in potatoes?
kwachichaw
Wa wa wee wa! I'm rich!
powercup
I'm all in on Energy Transfer! To the moon!
geacoman
These analysts, are they smart like my cousin Bilal?
Evandman
Thanks, Borat, for the financial advice! Even though you're not an advisor!
lewijos
Will these stocks help me buy a tractor?
snam23
I like dividend! Is nice!
hephephooray98
Very nice! I'm putting all my money in!