Jagshemash! CoreWeave Stock Go Up Like My Sister's Hair After Electric Shock!

Chenqui! CoreWeave Make More Money Than I See in Whole Life!

Jagshemash! Borat here reporting live from... well not Kazakhstan. Too many gypsies! But I bring you news of great excitement! CoreWeave this company with computers that think like my neighbor Nursultan Tulyakbay make so much money! Since they do IPO share price go up almost sixty percent in only five days! Is like my mustache growing after special fertilizer! Market cap now $38 billion! Very nice!

420%? Is That Some Kind of Sexy Time Number?

CoreWeave report say they make 420% more revenue! Wah wah wee wah! Is that some kind of sexy time number? Very excite! They are doing better than expected like when I find clean toilet in America! They provide investors a way to bet on AI which is now boom boom like in my pants after I see Pamela Anderson!

Nvidia Is Big Pimp Daddy Now?

Turns out Nvidia the company that make these computer brains they own 7% of CoreWeave! This stake worth about $2 billion now! Is like they are big pimp daddy and CoreWeave is… uh… VERY NICE working girl! Nvidia get rich like King of the Jews!

CoreWeave Is Standout Unlike My Fashion Sense

CoreWeave is standout in market! Is like me wearing mankini at formal dinner party! Everyone stare but they secretly jealous! They are first AI IPO which mean they are like virgin... but with more money!

OpenAI Give CoreWeave Big Bag of Money!

OpenAI the company that make ChatGPT (like talking robot that not want to marry me) give CoreWeave big bag of money! Four billion dollars! On top of another $12 billion! Is like Christmas but instead of ugly sweater I get… uh… access to super computers! Very excite!

CEO Go to Washington D.C. to Talk With Politicians!

The CEO of CoreWeave Mike Intrator go to Washington D.C. to talk with politicians. He sit next to CEO of OpenAI and also ladies from AMD and Microsoft. I bet they talk about important things like how to make computer not say 'Is nice!' all the time. I wish I was there! I would ask them about Pamela Anderson!