Bite My Shiny Metal Tariffs!
Greetings meatbags! Bender here your favorite bending unit and news reporter. So apparently this organic President Trump guy is playing games with tariffs. Howard Lutnick some suit I've never met at a poker game blabbed on TV that those exemptions on electronics? Yeah might be as temporary as my good behavior. He says tariffs are 'coming soon' for semiconductor stuff. Figures just when I was about to score a sweet deal on a new robo phone.
National Security? More Like National Booze curity!
Lutnick's rambling about how America needs to make its own stuff. Something about 'national security.' Please! I'm pretty sure the biggest threat to national security is running out of beer. "We can’t be beholden and rely upon foreign countries for fundamental things that we need," said the organic meatbag. What's next prohibiting foreign wines and beers? Oh wait I am sure he would be all for that. What a crazy universe!
Apple's Core Meltdown!
Poor Apple. They thought they were in the clear making all their iCrap in China. Now they might have to pay up. Serves 'em right for making phones without self bending capabilities. Although I'll admit a solid gold iBender would be pretty sweet... for me!
Can You Trust a Politician? Please!
Some senator named Cory Booker (sounds like a rejected sitcom character) is whining about Trump's 'crisis in credibility.' As if politicians are ever trustworthy! It's like trusting a robot to not steal your wallet. Oh wait... well you get the idea. The bottom line is politics is just a bunch of hot air and broken promises. Now where's my beer?
Confusion Thy Name Is Washington
So to sum it all up: Trump wiggles his tariff fingers everyone gets confused Apple sweats and I contemplate a life of crime to afford the latest gadgets. Business as usual really. If you need me I'll be at the nearest bar drowning my sorrows in high octane fuel. Remember kids: being rich is great but being able to afford beer is better! And remember my favorite quote! “I'm going to build my own theme park! With blackjack and hookers! In fact forget the park!”
Don't Have a Cow Meatbags!
So what's the takeaway from all this economic gobbledegook? Stay tuned don't buy anything too expensive just yet and always ALWAYS have a backup plan for acquiring beer. I'm Bender and remember I am great at partying I am great at drinking I am great at everything! Bending out!
Comments
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itsmadhavisiva
Why do politicians always have to make everything so complicated?
yemayaby
Is there a tariff on beer?
wickedlady
I'm going to go build my own robot with blackjack and hookers!
candicea33
Bender, you are the wind beneath my wings! Not literally, because I have no wings.
tess1960
Bender is the only news source I trust. Mainly because he's always drunk.
alisharose
Can someone get Bender a beer? He's earned it.
nizzle1122
Those exemptions are so short-lived, it's like having a Fry-level attention span.
ptime40
I blame the robots.
4adadad
Tariffs, schmariffs! Just leave my Slurm alone!