Bite My Shiny Metal Tariffs! Trump's 200% Pharma Threat!

200%? That's More Than My Alcohol Content!

Alright meatbags Bender here bringing you the news you can use... to line my stomach with! Trumpy boy that Earth president is threatening to slap a 200% tariff on imported pharmaceuticals! Two hundred percent! That's almost as high as my BAC after a good night out at a robot strip club. He says he's gonna do it 'very soon.' I'm detecting a high concentration of crazy in this news.

A Year to Get Their Act Together? Good News Everyone!

But hold on to your circuits folks! Turns out Trump's giving these pill pushing companies a year to 'get their act together.' A YEAR?! That's enough time for me to drink all the beer on Earth... twice! What does 'get their act together' even mean? Start manufacturing in America? Maybe they should just bribe Trumpy with a lifetime supply of… whatever it is humans need to survive. I prefer dark beer.

Commerce Secretary...Sounds Boring

The so called 'Commerce Secretary' Howard Lutnick sounds like a real snooze fest told some chumps at CNBC that details are coming at the end of the month. He also stated that Trump will make the ultimate decision. Like anyone cares about his decision. I'm going to go find a beer and take a nap.

Deja Vu All Over Again!

Here's the kicker: Trump changes his mind more often than I change my oil...which is never. So who knows if this 200% thing will actually happen. Remember that time he promised to build a wall? I bet he could have built a robot army instead! Think of the possibilities... and the looting opportunities!

The Drug Companies Are Crying (Probably)

Apparently these big pharma companies are whining that the tariffs will drive up costs hurt investments and mess with the drug supply chain. Boo hoo! Cry me a river made of beer! Maybe they should have thought of that before charging a billion dollars for a single pill. They're already dealing with Trump's drug pricing policies which are apparently cutting into their profit margins. Oh the humanity! Or should I say the robot manity!

Made in the U.S.A.? I Need Proof!

Trump thinks the tariffs will force these companies to bring manufacturing back to the U.S. Apparently some of them are already doing it. Eli Lilly Johnson & Johnson AbbVie... these names sound like diseases not companies. I'll believe it when I see a robot welding pills together on an assembly line. Until then I'm stocking up on painkillers... for my hangover.